Is looking for love on-line cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Is looking for love on-line cheating?
2
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:36pm
Am I nuts? My man of 5 years and I had been living together for 3 years. We really enjoy each other's company, we never fight and talk easily about everything. I can truly be myself with him. We had been separated over the summer while working out financial and commitment issues. A few weeks ago, as we began talking about reuniting under one roof again, I found out he had been soliciting singles sites searching for a "sensitive, beautiful and very sexual lover", before we had even separated. When confronted, he said he was just fantasizing and that he would never try to meet with anyone. Well, the next day I deciphered one e-mail sent in spanish that proved he did try to meet. When confronted AGAIN, he admitted to meeting someone once just to talk spanish. This is the first time I know of that I caught him in a bold-face lie!

I know I deserve better, and should end this relationship, but when I see him, I just can't. So, right now we're "friends in limbo" while he patiently waits for my final answer. He is very sorry and embarrassed about what he did, says he loves me and wants to make the commitment I had been waiting for, but I'm not sure I want it now. Should I take him back or finish this once and for all??

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:00pm
Yes, I believe that it is...at a minimum, it's inconsistent with a commitment to be monogamous with each other.

Basically, your choice is whether you want to be involved with someone who is dishonest. I'd recommend that you read "When Your Lover is a Liar" before you make your final decision.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:04pm
Thanks for your response, Sheri.

I do not want to be with someone who is dishonest. One of the reasons I stayed through past problems is the fact that we had the same values, I cherished that. The difficult thing for me is the history - 5 YEARS! I'm in love with not just him, but his entire family, and I'm having a hard time knowing those relationships will either change or end as well.

I feel so betrayed. Especially thinking back to how hard I've tried to make this relationship work this past year, and all the while, he had one foot out the door!

I will look for the book you recommended. This relationship may be over, but it may help me to recognize the warning signs for the future.

Thanks again.

:(