Losing hope.. but is it my fault?
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| Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:15pm |
My boyfriend and I (after much crisis and drama) decided to live seperatly from each other because of my constant complaining and his inability to see how his life affected mine negatively (he is an artist - irregular income, rent never paid, bills backing up, etc). I always had to pick up the slack. I lived with him and emotionally supported him for 2 years BUT ENOUGH was ENOUGH.. I became tired of being the cheerleader and not getting my needs met, and constant promises that were never kept, so I left.
We decided to continue to date, which has been ok so far, BUT now he is doing the same things! He comes over to my house, lays about, demands things from me, like if we were still living together! Again, I am becoming resentful and have begun to lose my temper with him. This is my first time living on my own and I am still adjusting to it.
I am losing hope that we can work things out now...apart of me feels like I am not trying hard enough and the other part feeling like he is the one with the problem.
Am I keeping him around because I am scared to be alone?
Do I really love him?
Am I not being supportive enough?
Am I not trying hard enough?
Any and All feedback is welcome!

I went to a counselor for six months, and learned that my boyfriend was never going to change, and if that is the way i wanted to live for the rest of my life than fine - stay with him, but if i wanted to be happy in a relationship than do something about it - end the relationship.
The hardest part was making the decision to end the relationship. Actually moving on and living alone for the first time was hard also, but worth every moment. I've been alone one year now, and i wish i would have done this sooner.
Please do yourself a favor and become your own woman, live alone, be proud, and you will know when you are ready for another relationship and hopefully make wise decisions. You will be amazed at how much you can grow when you get to know yourself without baggage hanging around...