at a loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
at a loss
3
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 5:18am

I am a straight woman dating a bisexual man. Our relationship is very serious and we're planning on getting married (bought the ring together, but it's not on my finger yet because he's been trying to find a special way to propose). I love this man with all of my heart, but I have a difficult time trusting him and I've been working really hard to get past that. The reasons I haven't fully trusted him are that I know (because he's told me) that he's cheated on two of his girlfriends in the past, because I know i will never be able to totally fill his desire to have sex with a man (a strap-on is never really a penis), and because I've been hurt in the past and as much as we would all like to say we can put the past behind us, that baggage often

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: turtlesflyblue
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 10:14am

I'm so sorry to tell you this... But you know what you have to do. You're not blind or stupid, you know what's going on. And you don't deserve it.

The truth is, it's rare for anybody to remain a bisexual throughout their entire life - bisexuality is, more often than not, a transitional phase during which a person struggles to identify with a sexual orientation, or at least greatly prefer one gender over another. Getting married to someone who identifies with bisexuality is risky - if he is a true bisexual, then you will never fulfill him sexually. He also may discover one day that he's more gay than straight, which would make your marriage a sham.

What I'm looking at immediately though is the fact that he's looking for sex from men. That is not something that a man who is ready to get married to a woman would ever, ever do. Of course he's giving you classic guy BS. Men don't apologize like that unless they've been caught.

The bottom line here is that your instincts are correct and it would not be wise to trust him because he is not trustworthy. You do not fulfill him sexually and a marriage between you would end in disaster.

I know you don't like this answer but you are wasting your time finding the right man for you if you sit around with this guy who can't keep himself from cheating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
In reply to: turtlesflyblue
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 10:22am

My outside perspective is likely one you won't want to hear because I would recommend not marrying this guy and walking away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: turtlesflyblue
Sat, 12-29-2007 - 11:59am

'I found his posting with the exact same pictures he'd sent me