Lost my dream man
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Lost my dream man
| Sun, 12-16-2007 - 2:05am |
hope? Please e-mail me with encouraging words. I don't know how to go on. Many thanks!
Edited 12/18/2007 12:25 am ET by girlinlove1972
Edited 12/18/2007 12:25 am ET by girlinlove1972

Hi Girlinlove.
"I feel as if he had to break up with me in order to heal to see if he wants me again."
I don't see it that way. I think he had to break up with you in order to be away from a relationship that was causing him pain. After all the "false" breakups you put him through, he just wanted it to be over. He probably doesn't see breakups the way you do; as a bargaining chip or a way to try to get someone to pay more attention to you. After all you two have been through I think he wanted to break up for real.
I think you need to move on, but also take a close look at your actions and try to understand exactly what happened. It's good that you are in therapy. Breaking up with someone continually is an immature way of dealing with feeling inadequate. I did it too, when I had relationships a little earlier in my life. You have to realize that every time you say "it's over" a part of your relationship dies for good. A man can only take so much of that.
The best relationships do not have extreme highs or lows; they are two people who are comfortable and happy and mostly consistent with one another. Rollercoasters wear people down, even though there is extreme happiness it comes at the cost of extreme sadness or anger.
It seems you realize what part you played in this mess and what NOT to do for next time. We all make mistakes and dumb decisions in relationships; what's important is that we learn from them and not repeat them.
I think it is really good that you are in therapy to work out the game playing and self esteem issues that have sabotaged the relationship and could sabotage future relationships with him or anyone. How is therapy going? Have you been able to focus on the reasons behind this? Try to separate your feelings or missing him from figuring our why you do this.
How many months were you actually together??
Don't ask him anything and don't contact him either.