Lost... & not sure what to do.....
Find a Conversation
Lost... & not sure what to do.....
| Mon, 06-16-2008 - 4:03pm |
i'm lost.
i have been with my fiance for 3 years.
| Mon, 06-16-2008 - 4:03pm |
i'm lost.
i have been with my fiance for 3 years.
Welcome to the board Sara,
Have you told him how you feel he has changed since you became engaged? Perhaps he doesn't realize that he has changed to much. If don't start getting any better, soon I would put the wedding on hold. Or if you are having some many problems with bridemaids and planning the wedding why don't you consider eloping. My DH and I did that and it was one of the best things we ever did. I found a B&B in Breckenridge Colorado that did elopements and they did everything for us. From the cake, preacher, flowers, pics, etc...All we had to do was show up. It was very nice.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
Thank you for your quick reply....
I've told him how I feel.
Well, you dont have to go through with the wedding if you really feel that he's changing in a way that does not suit you AND he needs to know this..
Have you mentioned to him that you would like to be treated the way you were once treated?
As far as bridesmaids go - weddings are stressful and sometimes brides ask or demand too much or ask for the bridesmaids to spend a lot of money that they dont have or ... your bridesmaids just suck.
I have to agree with the last response, have you given any thought whatsoever to how YOU look to HIM?
I'm not trying to accuse you but your guy has been honest with how he feels about you and you're not really looking closely enough at what he's saying. He's criticizing you because he doesn't like the way you're acting. He is getting a lot of negative emotions from you. You are the captain of this team of bridesmaids that you picked. How is he supposed to help you with that? What experience does he have with bridesmaids? This is your responsibility, and I'm not sure what you mean by "haven't been fantastic" but I kind of think that this is your test to make everything work. Bridesmaids are people with other responsibilities and personalities and lives. Maybe they're being intentionally difficult, I don't know.
You seem very needy of his support during a time when he is also feeling lost and alone.
It's easy for us as women to want other people to cater to us and for the world to revolve around what's going on emotionally inside us, but the reality is that there are other people out there who need you to speak their language once in a while. Your guy also has a lot going on yet you want to dump on him because you're "a bit sad" at work. If you're "a bit sad" then you should do your best to cheer yourself up. You're in charge of your emotions, your boyfriend is not. If you use him as a landfill for every time you feel a negative emotion then he will come to see you as a negative person overall. It's great to have support but you are in charge of yourself ultimately.
So look very closely at how you're behaving toward him and ask yourself if maybe he doesn't have a point.
When he tells you how he feels you're acting, it makes sense to investigate and try to change. This is supposed to be a happy time for both of you. Make an effort to make it so.
And stop using pithy phrases like this: "eventually i won't be able to cry anymore and i will shut off my emotions to this all"
It's over-dramatic, whiny, immature, intangible, and... just silly. It's also a threat. I'm not sure how he's supposed to respond to this but if you want attention from him then you should act like an adult, not a teenager.
Try to keep your emotions in check and be someone he WANTS to marry.
Eggbert is right.
YOU are responsible for your own happiness, If you are not happy with yourself or your life
Ask him if he read your email and see what he says.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
Welcome to the board sarasunshine82,
Reading material to consider:
Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis
Perhaps he's feeling like he's not 'allowed' to show his emotions if he's always supporting you with yours. Not sure if that makes sense. You mentioned that he's had to make a lot of big changes - moving away from friends and family, living on his own for the first time, etc. He may be feeling neglected or recentful because you are looking for his support when in fact he may be needing yours and not getting it.
I think you can work through this. Good luck!
Thank you everyone.
I will take the advice to heart.