"In love"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
"In love"?
3
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 11:25am

I am not sure which board might be the most appropriate to post on.

Been with my bf 4 years on/off. For now we are together, rebuilding on some past issues. I would like to know- after so many years together naturally "love" is not like that initial lusty type, stomach tumbling thing. But how do you know when you're "in love", and when you just love someone? Of course I love him, we have a long history and we are doing well at working at our relationship. But am I "in love" with him? What are the differences? I dont know if this is just the comfort level you reach after years together. That being said, we are rebuilding on a few issues and maybe I am a little hesitant, therefore doubting if I'm "in love".

Any words or thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 5:43pm

No one on a message board can tell you if you love your boyfriend, only you can know that.

As far as the "in love" thing - I find it is a bullsh!t distinction people who can't put effort into maintaining relationships use to justify cheating. You either love someone or you don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 8:05pm

Here are your previous posts so others can catch up on your situation:


how do i react?


I've got a problem


How do I know?


I think it is so easy for people to put commitment ahead of compatibility and then stay for all the wrong reasons.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:16pm

Love is a verb not a feeling. All feelings come and go. Like the tide they ebb and flow. They are like background music. When you are in a long term relationship, it is built through behaving in a loving manner - communicating openly and honestly, listening, being considerate and thoughtful, spending quality time together, extending yourself for the person. Don't worry about the feelings...if you behave this way, if you let go of old resentment and clear you relationship, the feelings of love will come again. And they will go. Don't base your life upon them.


Best wishes,