In Love, Confused, and Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
In Love, Confused, and Frustrated
5
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 5:13pm

I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me too .

We've had discussions, and we've gotten upset, but never to the point where we wouldn't speak to each other.
We talk about things when we're upset, in fact he has no problem at saying stuff and that has caused some of our discussions from time to time. Me on the other hand I'm not like that AT ALL. I find it very difficult to tell him if something bothers me and when I finally do tell him, I try to break it down gently so he doesn't get the wrong idea, something he can't seem to do

I think I have some self esteem issues and therefore I have this constant fear that he just doesn't love me as much as I do. I've mentioned this to him and said that is nothing like that, and that the only reason why he can't do as much for me or spend more time is cuz of his work which I know is in part true. But still...I think if you love someone you sacrifice time, etc...in order to make the relationship a relationship .
We don't see each other during the week, and when we do is mostly because we say we miss each other and blah blah blah and I end up going to his place, either cuz he asks me to, or cuz I offer to do so, he never offered to come to mine -on a weekday- weekends he usually comes]
He's spoiled. His mom caters to him, even tho they usually spend the little time they have together bickering and being mad or upset with each other, she tells him "to sleep more hours" or "drive less because of wether conditions and $" and he usually doesn't listen to her but sometimes he does..

I've told him, I understand the importance of work, and being well rested, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it. Mentally I understand, emotionally I can't take it. I miss him too much, I wanna know from him throughout the day, and I wanna see him at night. But he's ok with going the whole day without knowing about me and just calling at night, he can deal with going 5 days without seeing me I just see him saying all this stuff, but not doing much to show it with actions.

I don't know if I'm paranoid and obsessed with him, or if maybe he loves me but not to the point of being "head over heels in love" but in consequence the thoughts: "is he for me" "are for each other" "is love reason enough to fight for this relationship" have crossed my mind several times.

I need help, I need experienced people, I need someone from the outside to look in and give me some advice.
This is my first relationship ever, he is the only person I've had relationships with, and even though I could see the fun in fooling around and not having sthg. meaningful with others, I don't want to. I've been approached by people I find EXTREMELY attractive, and they've asked me for a one night stand, and I've said no, because I love him AND I ONLY WANT HIM...but I'm just unsure if all of this effort is worth it, I don't know if I should just take a step back, and suffer his lost but maybe gain something better...the thing is, is there such a thing as "better".

help please? I need feedback.

Thanks
~Ro

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-09-2008 - 5:52pm

Welcome to the board rockyro,


::I find it very difficult to tell him if something bothers me and when I finally do tell him, I try to break it down gently so he doesn't get the wrong idea, something he can't seem to do


Interesting way to describe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 4:57am

You say you've turned men down for one night stands even though you've found them very attractive...


Are you happy with a one night stand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 3:42pm

Ofcourse I don't want a one night stand, my point was, with me being young and inexperienced I think it's kinda like a given to think "oh she would try to have as much "fun" as possible" you wouldn't belive how many ppl. have told me "you're only 22?! by all means have fun, be safe but get to do your thing and don't stress this is time to have fun".
But I don't want that. I've never wanted it, that's why I've rejected other man in the past, because I knew that's the only thing they were after, and that is in part why I keep rejecting them today. So no I def. don't want a one night stand, I was just trying to make a point with that.


About the low self esteem issue. I say that b/c

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Sat, 05-10-2008 - 3:55pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 10:09pm

I think you should let him know whats going on your mind. How you would like it if he went over to your place once in a while instead of you going there all the time. Some men are not as thoughtful and you need to let them know exactly what is on your mind and dont expect them to figure it out on their own. Save yourself some agony and just write things on the wall.

Personally, I would be very upset that he didnt come visit me when I've been sick the whole week. Afraid he'll get sick??? That is just lame to me. What if you were married and living together? He'd not come home? Thats stupid. He is waay too comfortable in this relationship. You need to make him work some too.