In love, confused,hurt,lost,struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
In love, confused,hurt,lost,struggling
3
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 8:47pm
I met this guy that I used to talk to online for three years. We met almost a year ago in person,dated for a while messed up by living together for starters. But I fell in love with him. But he was not over his ex.*she was a coke head*..

anyway When we went out, he always got alot of attention from other women he called *friends* He's bald ,so they'd hug on him,kiss his head etc. I didn't have a problem with that until it became a problem with these so called friends doing it just when I was around. When I mentioned it to him he made me feel bad for feeling hurt in the first place. He was the one who decided it was a relationship between me and him, but it seemed like our relationship was only in private.

There's alot behind it. But since I moved out,got my own apartment, because we agreed that it might help us to get along better. Our communication skills are very bad,I'll admit that. But I try to let him know how much he means to me. Lately he's called what we have *friends with benefits* which is really hard to deal with especially after being in a relationship with him.And falling in love with him.

We still argue alot,because he never thinks to spend time with me anymore.I feel like I have to ask him for my time, cuddling etc.Then he makes me feel bad for asking.He thinks I want his full attention everyday. yeah it'd be nice, he has my heart, But I know that's not fair to him and I'm willing to accept it.

I have alot of health problems right now, looking at surgery,which scares me. I live alone, I don't know anyone in the area. but him. I've needed a hug alot lately,and he always says he needs *his time*. But I get my time with him maybe once a week. He spends alot of time doing what he wants.He works 5 days a week, and I just want some time that I would like to spend with him. I am in love and it's making me sick. Because I don't know how to hang onto him. I know he cares for me,otherwise he would have gotten out a long time ago. I need help rescuing my relationship, being a more commpassionate person to him.letting him know exactly how I feel without being pushy, or sounding like a *B*

ANY ADVICE out there?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 1:21am

before you can rescue this "relationship" - you need to rescue YOURSELF. honey- sorry,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 8:48am
<>

You are willing to accept that this man doesn't love, cherish or respect you? What is not fair about expecting the man you are with to do those things? It is sad that you don't. He is treating you exactly how you allow him to. Why are you allowing yourself to be continually hurt and humiliated?

The only future you have with this man is a painful one. That is not love - it is self-sabatoge. YOu accept poor treatment because you don't beleive you deserve more.

The other poster is right - you can't save any relationship until you save the one you have with yourself. YOu are the only person who will always be in your life. I strongly urge you to get into counseling. Your self esteem is nil and your concept of what love is is WAY off. This is a choice - choosing happiness or choosing him. Never value another person more than yourself - you will always be disappointed.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 12:22pm
My advice, as much as it hurts, as much as you will have to grieve for the relationship, end it.

He's got security issues, ego issues and loves, wants and needs the attention of these other women. He likes it. And he likes the relationship he has with you, just the way it is.


Carrie