In love with a Married Man
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In love with a Married Man
| Tue, 09-28-2004 - 5:38pm |
Well my story starts out like this. I live in an apartment complex with a guy that I admired from a distance for a couple of weeks. His cousin lives upstairs from me my family and his have been knowing each other forever. Anyway I finally got the nerve to ask him if he would like my # and he said yes. Before I go any further I knew he was married from the jump but I figured could handle it this was my first time. However moving along he and I have been involved deeply for about 2 months now. it started out I would listen to his problems within his marriage and just be there for him emotionally. He felt he wasn't being understood at home and blah blah blah. One of his issues is his wife doesn't accept his 2 children he has with another female before they were married and during one of those break up periods. The other thing is I believe she blames the kids because he pays child support and that money comes out of there home but at the same time she knew what she was getting into before she married this man. So they go off and on he doesn't want to bring his kids around because she acts funny around them and we all no that kids pick up on things very easily. I try to tell him positive things to do to make things better because I hate to see him frustrated from time to time. I'm sure all of this sounds confussing to those of you reading this but thats about it in a nut shell. What should I do????????

::Anyway I finally got the nerve to ask him if he would like my # and he said yes. Before I go any further I knew he was married from the jump but I figured could handle it this was my first time.
What's wrong with you? Seriously, if you were married would you want another woman to give your man her number, give him a shoulder to cry on, let him talk sh!t about you?
::it started out I would listen to his problems within his marriage and just be there for him emotionally.
The good ol' emotional affair. Building intimacy by sharing your problems.
::One of his issues is his wife doesn't accept his 2 children he has with another female before they were married and during one of those break up periods. The other thing is I believe she blames the kids because he pays child support and that money comes out of there home but at the same time she knew what she was getting into before she married this man.
Hon, you are only hearing one side of the story. She feels betrayed, he doesn't have one other child with another woman, but 2. Why isn't he with that woman now instead of you? If you were with him, how long would you trust him? He's got no intergity.
I hope you do the right thing.
Carrie
I know we all make mistakes and fall into traps, but I am here to tell you that the path you are on is wrong. No matter what he says to you, it shouldn't be trusted. He isn't making the mature decision. He better get out and stop complaining and then start a relationship with you when it is all said and done. Men always start out complaining to another woman about their problems and of course it feels justified, but it never will be. Marriage vows are stronger than anything in this world and no one can judge any other marriage until they are in their footsteps. So please, try to take some honest feedback- in the long run it will only be disasterous for both you and him, and his family.
Why are you trying to justify this with...it was my first time? And I'm also confused of what you thought you could handle? The secrets? The lies? The wife? Breaking up the family? I'm sure you are a really nice and cool person, and you deserve someone who can be there for you like you are for him...but out in the open without the lies and with the respect you deserve. You say it "started out" with you and him just talking emotionally. Well if it started that way, how is it now? Are you guys intimate, or is this still a friend type of thing? If so, it's better to pull away now because it gives you a chance to bow out of the situation without causing further damage.
If you do go through with the affair and then it ends, all three of you will just get hurt. No one deserves to get hurt, esp if it can be prevented. I realize I sound harsh...but I'm just trying to be blunt and make you see things from someone elses side. Can you imagine something like this happening to you? What would you do/feel? Like the other poster said, there are 2 sides to every story. If you are unsure about this (which I assume you are because you are here asking for advice) then stop and think about what you are doing to yourself and to these people. Let them deal with their relationship. If you back off and they end up apart...then you could probably be there for him and maybe start something, but I wouldn't recommend doing it now. It can only cause hurt and trouble!
Good luck, I hope things work out for you. Sorry again if I seems b*tchy.
Edited 9/29/2004 4:51 pm ET ET by lynmusic