in love with my friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
in love with my friend
3
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 7:12am
Recently I have posted a post about how I was looking for direction cause I was confused im not sure how to link my post to this so you can see the back story of this new post but the short version is that I need to get over this guy I am in love with so we can be good friends instead of me always taking things wrong way and feeling as though he's leading me on and things like that. Even though the things he says to me I don’t see how im taking it wrong but he always says I do. We have known each other for five years and all this time I have liked him. It took him and I four years to figure out we loved one another, we dated for 6 months until he wanted out cause he didn’t want to talk about things and make it work, we ended things or he did rather in July. We been close every since and to me I feel no difference because I never been without him for all this time. When I mean all this time I mean the five years I have known him its just been us. What I have seen from these replies to my other post is that I need to have closure which I haven't had and if he cant see we are good together and what I bring to a relationship and etc then I must respect myself and stop trying to get back together which is just hurting myself more. He told me the other day he's looking for a girlfriend, I thought I was doing well with just trying to be friends but then he said that and it just all kind of came back. It was like he broke up with me all over again but this time it was more easier to handle then the last. I guess he seriously doesn't want to be with me and I felt like this when we were together at times too. Im not sure how to get over him to the point where I am able to be okay with him having a girlfriend , I know this will take time but im not sure how to go about this, whatever I do I think its working and then something happens which makes it all come back again. I can go on and on writing so much more thoughts and about us but I wont cause I guess basically I know what has to be done im just not sure how to do it and I want to be his friend still and everything we do now its going to change if he gets a girlfriend and even just being friends it'll change and I don’t know just the thought of that hurts and etc. thank you for listening and I hope with this post I hope things that are said will be able to help me like the other post I had up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 12:54pm

Welcome to the board giggles8333,


I couldn't locate your other post, I'm wondering if you posted on a different board or if you changed usernames?


Anyway, closure is something you give yourself. It comes with accepting the situation as it is, not the way we hope it would be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 1:15pm
It's very difficult to shift from being in love to being buddies. The best strategy is to pull back even from a platonic relationship until your romantic feelings for him are dulled enough for you to be happy about him dating and fallling in love with someone else. Anything else is torturing yourself. You have choices here. You can choose not to dwell on this man and what could have been. You can choose to move on. You can choose to make new friends. If you are seriously having problems with this maybe it's time for a little professional help, a therapist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 3:26pm
hello. it hurts so much to just end up and not talk to him and etc for a long time. even if i was to do this which i know is good for myself but it hurts so much. im friends with his sister and like how am i going to be able to do this if im hanging with his sister and going to his house where he use to live with his parents where we use to hang n etc.