In love...and very frustrated. ADVICE?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2008
In love...and very frustrated. ADVICE?
11
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 12:03pm

I am 38 and my girlfriend is 33. She has 3 kids from a previous marriage (youngest is 9 with bad ADH and the oldest is 12.) and the father is a deadbeat dad who has never paid child support or anything to help her. She is a 24/7 parent with no breaks, has a good job as an inside sales rep with an electronics company and I am in HR. We have been together 7 months since Jan 2008 and things have been frustrating. Relationship started great! It was to the point where she wanted me to spend more time with her and spend the nights together. So I started and then after spending about 90% of free time together, she then felt smothered. We broke up twice and after 3-4 days of not talking, we would get back together and she would tell me how much she missed me. Things would be good for a couple weeks and then she would withdraw again and not show the affection or intimacy. Even to where I feel as though she doesn’t want to see me-and we only live three blocks from each other! About 3 months ago, she had an IUD put in due to medical opinion of her doctor because of womanly problems. We used to have a lot of fun together and there have been a couple times where we have split for 3-4 days as she felt she was being smothered. For the last month, we have not had any sex and I feel as though she is not interested in seeing me half the time. She gets defensive if I try to talk about it. She blames the no sex drive thing on the hormones the IUD is putting out and says it is screwing up her emotions, stress and says that she has had no interest or drive to be together like that. This makes me feel like she is not attracted to me at all, to which she says she is and I need to get that idea out of my head. She has no idea why she has no interest. Is she depressed badly? Stressed? Am I doing too much for her?



She also seems to be withdrawn a lot to the point where I feel ignored or unwanted-has her girlfriends come over but doesn’t invite me over. I know her life is very stressful as she works full time and then comes home to three kids full time. I get along with the kids great and they come to me for everything. I buy them things and also show them a lot of attention which they have never really had-I enjoy this!



She even wrote me an email last week and basically it said... "At times I need space and I know this bothers you. Then when you do give space it is like I don’t know at all what is going on in your life you pull so far away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 12:55pm
I disagree with most who replied to you on this thread. I don't want to upset you and it may just be how I feel, but my first

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