love's a puzzle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
love's a puzzle
3
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 1:03am

I’ve been dating this great guy for over a year and a half now, but we recently just broke up a little more than a week ago. Once school ended about a month ago he started working full time leaving us no time to be together. I understand that he was working and I didn’t say mention that it was bothering me. The transition from seeing each other every waking moment to seeing him for two hours after work while he was half asleep really did take it’s toll. I decided to confront the issue and he freaked out on me accusing me of not understanding him, and said he wanted to break –up because things were starting to change. I can’t get him off my mind, and I know through mutual friends that he’s been miserable himself. This has been our 4th break –up in the past year and a half, and they have all been over the same reason. We do not fight much but when we do fight its terrible, and its always over the same little things ultimately leading to our break-ups. We both attend the same college, and we live in the same building so we practically spend most of our time together. Our fights are mostly about our little pet peeves against each other, I do not see them as a bad thing but my ex thinks it’s the end of the world because we are fight because he fears that we are starting to fall apart. I get the fact that he is scared being that I am his first girlfriend. I know that he has a hard time trusting people and he has tried to open up to me as much as he can. Though, it seems like he runs and whenever he gets scared instead of confronting the problem.

I am very confused & cannot move on because I feel like we are just going through another one of our break-up cycles. I have decided to give him his space, but we have agreed to stay friends no matter what because we share a vast majority of friends. I don’t know where things are and I feel really lost. All our friends say they know were going to get back together but I really don’t know what is going on. I do not want to be the first one to confront the issue b/c he was the one who decided he wanted a break up. I am always the one who comes to him the past times we have broken up, he usually answers he doesn’t know. Then a couple of days or weeks later he’ll come back and say sorry and try to work things out. I do not want to continue this cycle so I told him that I respected his decision, and am not trying to talk to him first. So am I taking the right path? Please enlighten me I need guidance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:00am
1 full time job shouldn't break up a strong happy compatible relationship. Lots of couples have a full time job each. I think there's other issues here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:17pm

I understand the cycle you are talking about. I finally after 7 years of break ups and get back togethers learned how to break the cycle.

Personally I got sick of him running everytime we had a big issue. That is how he handled things thru out his life even before me.

Finally I learned to let go. I started moving on with my life. I let him know that I did not need him in my life (this is done by actions not words.

I had once read a book about how to get your ex back and it taught me the proper things to do. You can search Ivillage forums for doing a 180 post I think its on the betrayed spouses board but not sure. If you cant find it email me and I will look for it. Read it and start doing it. It really works.

Fast forward to present. We are engaged, been together for 8 1/2 years and he respects me. If you keep letting him come back with no consequences it will always be on his terms and that just allows him to run again. YOU NEED TO TURN THE TABLES.....I wish you the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 3:39pm

Welcome to the board j.lost,


Since he is the one that wanted the break, I think you should wait to see if he brings up getting back together. I have to be honest, though, I don't think this is the right relationship for either on of you. If it was, you wouldn't have broken up four times already.

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