lust or love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
lust or love?
1
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 1:53am
I have a 2 years long distance relationship with my current boyfriend. We both live in different country that takes a half world away to be able with ech other, however, our relationship is always going strong and everything been going smoothly until recently about 3 months ago a new intern came to work in my office. The new guy 'G' has a girlfriend and also in a long distance relationship. We both start hang out with each other and one thing lead to another and we become couple/lover. Which means we slept with each other but on the other hand we knw that we both have loves one. The funny thing is we get along with each other, we concected in every topic and we enjoy spending time together. Only one thing that we never discuss about is the topic of 'feeling' , which is fine by me as i'm trying to avoid it as well. Honestly, I don't want to get hurt and break my relationship with my current boy friend as I know G is only temporary and he is going back to his country once his internship done over here. I want this over in good term, no hard feelings or whatsoever. However I'm finding myself liking him day after day, and i don't realize this feeling until it hurts me when i know he is away on vacation to see his girl friend (present).Eventhough he is honest with me and told me the whole situations that he is going for vacation in 2 weeks and going to fly to see his gf.

I need some opinions here, any sugestion how to find myself through this. Thank u.

confused -_-

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: dusigirl
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:33am
You're both cheating and disrespectful to yourselves, each other and your respective partners. Just because your partner is long distance (BTDT - international & local LDR), it's no excuse to get with someone for some sort of short term (coz you know it's gonna end) gratification.

You don't wanna get hurt? Consider your bf for a moment...or the other guy's gf. Don't hurt me, but it's ok if I hurt them? Nope. You have to apply the same standards to yourself as you do to them.

Here's the LDR 'rules' we've put together on the website for the LDR board... http://pages.ivillage.com/ldr_webgurl/ldr_rules.html

Here's a paragraph or two from that page:

Commitment

Distance should not in any way lessen the level of commitment you've made to each other. If you're not sure whether you're exclusive or not - ask. Don't play guessing games with each other - it's hard enough as it is without that!

If you are exclusive then your conscience and common sense should decide what boundaries you set for yourself in your relationship. Ask yourself what level of commitment you expect of your partner and use that as your own benchmark. Make sure you and your partner are on exactly the same page in relation to this to save heartache down the track.

Respect

Just because your partner is not in the same locale as you, does not mean you can treat them with any less respect. If you're going to be unavailable, let them know. If your plans change from the norm, let them know. Same applies when dealing with people of the opposite sex. A good benchmark is to consider how you would behave if your SO were in the room with you. Respect yourself and respect your partner - and expect the same from them.

When G goes back to his gf for good are you going to find someone to replace him? Are you going to be honest with yourself? Honest with your bf?

Maybe you're not cut out for a LDR. Some people just aren't and can't handle the added pressures/separations etc. It's not an indictment, just a fact.

Eve