Lying Boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2005
Lying Boyfriend
3
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 2:09am
I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. We both attend the same college and frequently discuss courses and workload. He told me his GPA was a 3.0, and gave me exact number grades on all the tests he took over this year. When I was at his apartment one day, I got a tissue from his desk (so innocent), happened to look down, and saw his degree audit. I didn't ruffle through pages, I didn't shift anything around. I simply glanced down and saw that his cummulative GPA was a 1.8. I was shocked, but didn't mention anything to him at the time. I asked him point-blank again what his GPA was and how his finals went, and again he told me the same thing. He told me his password for online logins for school, and when I was on mine today I decided to check his too. Something has been nagging me since I found that, and I was suspicious enough to log into his account. I know that's totally wrong, but I have never been inclined to do something like that before ever. I checked out his grades, and turns out he failed every class for the last two semesters. I want to bring this up, but I know what I did was wrong. I feel that him lying to me so much is much more an issue, but I'm sure he will feel different. Any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:13am
This is a very big issue. You have lost some degree of trust in him. That affects your relationship permanently. It's a type of betrayal of your trust to lie to you about something that big. I would seriously suggest that you consider whether your investment in your relationship with him is enough to warrant risking a lengthy relationship of ongoing lies.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 2:02pm
I hope that this can be resolved. I dont want to be bitter at all, but this is a big red flag. Use your own discretion on this one. I have delt with this for a while myself, for the past three years. It is hard and near impossible to trust someone after they start lying to you. It is a lot to put on yourself, there is no way worse to live then wondering what else that person has lied to you about. You are in school and this could stress you out much more if it continues. You might want to reevaluate this one. It is hard to fess up to how you found out this info. But this does need to be addressed in some fashion.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:50pm

It's certainly disturbing to discover that your boyfriend is lying so deeply. Clearly, he's ashamed and covering up or pretending to be someone he isn't. If he discovers that you found out the truth that way, he most likely will be very, very upset and feel quite exposed.


I suggest you question him about things. See how extensive this lying is. See what's really going on here. If you discover that a great deal of his life and your relationship is a lie, then the real issue is what are you going to do about it?


I wouldn't tell him I'd been snooping, (as he is so involved in cover up) - but I would check into other parts of what he says. Find out who he really is and then make a strong decision about what you want to do - stay or go.


Best wishes,