lying, can we overcome it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
lying, can we overcome it?
2
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 10:13pm
Ive been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We moved into an apartment together a few months ago and the for about the last month or so I've noticed a change in the way we interact. We just haven't done all of the little things that made me fall in love with her in the first place.

A few days ago I gave her a call on her cell on my way to the office like I always do but this day I was about an hour early. She answered and acted very weird and seemed like she was trying to get rid of me. So I checked up on her by calling the house and no one answered. I called again and told her I knew she wasnt where she said she was, she got all upset and told me that we needed to talk so I turned around and we talked. She told me that she had gone to her sisters house and didnt want me to get mad because I dont really like her sister.

So I accepted that, kinda, but it something was still fishy. NEWay long story short, after about 2 days and 5 or 6 different layers of lies she told me that she met someone, had exchanged phone numbers, and was at his house. I love this women and after finally getting to the bottom of everything it seems that she still loves me. She says that shes that nothing happend, that she met him about a week and a half earlier, and doesn't know why she gave him her number. She says that she just liked the attention someone was willing to pay to her. She says that shes willing to work on this, that she understands it will be hard, and she can't lose me. My question is, how will I ever be able to trust a word she ever says to me again? How can I believe that the next time a guy hits on her she wont give him her number when he asks. The thing that got to me the most was how she lyed to me so easily. Every time I caught her she had something just a little worse to say so she wouldn't get in too much trouble. She told me that she was so affraid of losing me over this that she had to lie. She even came up with whole scenerios and conversations that never happened. I've always thought that she could be the one for me and I want to make it work out so much. We talked about maybe going to a councilor at her work so we can work out our issues. Where do we start? How can she build that trust back up? Will this work?

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 7:47am
Well, for your sake, I hope she isnt still lying. Secondly, your opinion of her sister should have nothing to do with her relationship with the sister. I am certainly hoping you wouldnt "get mad" at your girlfriend if she was visiting her sister. That would be quite controlling.

But onto your issue, couseling may be your only way out. You BOTH need to find out where things went off course. She may have made a move towards infidelity, but it sounds like you BOTH have let this relationship slip. And in closing, dont accept your girlfriends reason for lying. No one ever HAS to lie. She couldve chosen to not give her number to another man, she couldve chosen not to go to his house. Its all about choices...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 1:52pm
Accountability - she needs to openly be accountable for all her time away from you.

Most couple's can't rebuild trust without third party help.

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris

Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore

http://www.retrouvaille.org/home.htm

www.marriagebuilders.com

If nothing happened, why was she at his house? That doesn't wash for me. I think couple's counseling is a step in the right direction. She need to address her issues and figure out why she was willing to put the relationship with you in jeapordy.


Carrie