Major problem. need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Major problem. need help
2
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:19pm
I will try to explain and keep short. I married my first husband 13 years ago. We were young and loved each other dearly, but he had ill parents that made our lives miserable, so we split. It was very hard for both of us.

Now, I am reamrried with a 4 year old son. I am in this marriage only because of my son. Although, my husband is a nice man and good husband and dad, there are some issues between us that we can never get past. I don't feel that I am in love with him and haven't for a long time. He knows if it weren't for my son, I'd be out of here.

Recently, my ex was diagnosed with cancer. I have been at his side since I found out.

He has never remarried, and still has the torch for me, which I was well aware of all these years. The minute we saw each other it is as if we never parted.

My friends tell me I am nuts, because he may die anyway. But, I'd rather have a few years of wonderful happiness than a lifetime of emptiness. My current life is just existing. No real bond other than we are good parents to my son.

What should i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:27pm
Staying in an unhappy marriage is like dying as well. Staying with your current husband for the sake of your child is extremely unhealthy. The fact that your husband knows you would leave if it weren't for the child dosen't help anything at all. You don't have to stay in that situation to be a good mother and the same goes for your husband being a good father. A child can sense a parents unhappiness in the home no matter what the age and it can affect them in their relationships later in life. I think you owe it to yourself and child to follow your heart. One day you can explain it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 7:16pm
If you couldn't deal with his sick parents, how are you going to deal with your sick ex?

Your present husband must feel your rejection. I think if I had a mate who didn't love me and only wanted me to take care of his son, I would feel terrible, so terrible that I would not be able to go on with him. I would probably tell him to go. Maybe you should release your husband from a living hell so that he can find someone to love and love him back.

Your ex needs support and your son needs his father. Hopefully you will be able to deal with his sickness. good luck