Making the change to Just Friends - HELP
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Making the change to Just Friends - HELP
| Tue, 05-25-2004 - 2:22pm |
I was best friends with a girl for 2 years before we started "seeing" each other. Over a 3 month peroid, we defined our relationship and agreed that we didn't want to date anyone else, but she had gotten out of a year and a half relationship a few months before WE started and didn't want to feel that we were "boyfriend and Girlfriend" till about 6 months into our ambiguous relationship. I was fine with that as, being her best friend already, I knew all the pain and trouble she was having with her previous boyfriend.
Skip forward in time - now we have been dating for almost 2 years. In February, we decided that we should break up since she said she didn't feel that she saw our relationship as "long term" - she loved me, but had trust issues she couldn't get over. We were Officialy over, but we didn't really act like it. We were still together all the time, called each other, slept together, made travel plans, said "we" a lot as far as future plans, etc. I saw this as a sign that maybe we could work it out. But over the last month and a half, she's been distancing herself, calling less (sometimes I wouldn't hear from her for 3 or 4 days, which she never did before), no kising or sex. I'm getting the idea. But last week, she said she was really emotional for a few days, and we talked and she stated that it's "really, really important" for her that we remain friends, even though she knows one day I will have a new girlfriend and it will hurt her a little - that she sees me as her friend for the rest of her life. She said that when a relationship is over, one person is usually more invested than the other, and I said that I understood what she was saying. I said that i felt the same way, but i felt that we were in the "ambiguous stage" still. She said she did too. But 2 days later (this Friday)I called her at 10 pm and asked her what she was doing that night and she said she was hanging out with Shawn. I don't know any Shawn, and I've been her best friend for 4 years! So i asked her if this is a situation where she didn't want me to call her for a while, and she said "no, but when that situation DOES come up, I hope you'll be cool with it". I said sure, she said she'd call me before the weekend is out and she hung up quickly. i could tell she was a little upset. But I haven't heard from her since. I guess i'll let her call me when she's ok. But I want to be friends, too, but I'm still having strong feelings for her. I know i need some time away from her, but i also think i need to talk to her face to face and let her know how i feel, and confirm that i want to be friends too - we were friends before we dated, and i think it will be OK afterwards. I just need some advice on how to handle this without messing this up or scaring her off, like her thinking that I will still be "waiting" for her. Because I won't. I'll move on, too. Any comments would be VERY appreciated. I lost my lover, i don't want to lose my Best Friend too.
Skip forward in time - now we have been dating for almost 2 years. In February, we decided that we should break up since she said she didn't feel that she saw our relationship as "long term" - she loved me, but had trust issues she couldn't get over. We were Officialy over, but we didn't really act like it. We were still together all the time, called each other, slept together, made travel plans, said "we" a lot as far as future plans, etc. I saw this as a sign that maybe we could work it out. But over the last month and a half, she's been distancing herself, calling less (sometimes I wouldn't hear from her for 3 or 4 days, which she never did before), no kising or sex. I'm getting the idea. But last week, she said she was really emotional for a few days, and we talked and she stated that it's "really, really important" for her that we remain friends, even though she knows one day I will have a new girlfriend and it will hurt her a little - that she sees me as her friend for the rest of her life. She said that when a relationship is over, one person is usually more invested than the other, and I said that I understood what she was saying. I said that i felt the same way, but i felt that we were in the "ambiguous stage" still. She said she did too. But 2 days later (this Friday)I called her at 10 pm and asked her what she was doing that night and she said she was hanging out with Shawn. I don't know any Shawn, and I've been her best friend for 4 years! So i asked her if this is a situation where she didn't want me to call her for a while, and she said "no, but when that situation DOES come up, I hope you'll be cool with it". I said sure, she said she'd call me before the weekend is out and she hung up quickly. i could tell she was a little upset. But I haven't heard from her since. I guess i'll let her call me when she's ok. But I want to be friends, too, but I'm still having strong feelings for her. I know i need some time away from her, but i also think i need to talk to her face to face and let her know how i feel, and confirm that i want to be friends too - we were friends before we dated, and i think it will be OK afterwards. I just need some advice on how to handle this without messing this up or scaring her off, like her thinking that I will still be "waiting" for her. Because I won't. I'll move on, too. Any comments would be VERY appreciated. I lost my lover, i don't want to lose my Best Friend too.

Sheri
Sheri