Making hard decisons and making mistakes
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| Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:41am |
Hi, I'm new, and am loving the advice found here! I'd like advice on my next move here...
BF and I are currently deciding whether to try to mend our relationship or move on...
I am divorced, 40, after a 10yr marriage that ended in ex having an affair. BF is 37, never married. We've lived together for 3 yrs. I work 60+ hours as a designer. He works about 15 as delivery driver. I am financially strapped, child support is always behind and BF contributes about 200 /mo.
We are both artists, he is enormously creative and smart and works constantly on his creations. I create when I have time between working and caring for my son and trying to keep up with house and bills.
Its pretty obvious (duh) that this arrangement isn't too fair, and I bring it up often. His art involves working with actresses, and I often have problems with jealousy (which spills over from my divorce.) I recently finally had it and blew up and said some things I shouldn't have. Told him I couldn't be his gf and have the young hotties around. Told him I've been miserable for the last 3 years and that he had to show more responsibility to being an equal partner. He started making moves to leave (packing).
When things calmed down we talked... if it's going to work, I need more financial responsibility / assistance. He wants me to explain what I meant about being miserable and accusing him of messing around. We're both hurt and the next conversations are going to make or break the deal, I think. What do you think??

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Exactly. I'm one of those people who takes a day for things to register as being kind of wierd...that's what hit me too, last night. He usually works weekends, and this past Sat. I asked if he could arrange to work another day to attend my son's bday party. He came, and we had fun, but he just asked off work and didn't work another day.
So last night, he says, "Well since I didn't work Saturday...pause...that put me in kind of a jam. Can I borrow a few bucks to buy cigarettes?"
It's my fault that he's broke, apparently. GRRRRRRR...he asked me this RIGHT as I was going to bed...I had no energy for a comeback.
I'm figuring up my budget again this weekend, and will go over it WITH him, and have a little lesson in economics. Like you suggested, he's got to understand WHY he needs to contribute, not just to please me...or because "I told him"
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