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| Thu, 06-21-2007 - 10:48am |
Hello everyone. I am a 40yo male involved with a 25yo women co-worker. There is no present or future conflict issues regarding work. We first started off as friends and over several months we started spending more time at work socializing (i.e. eating lunch) Then she and I would both stay late and talk for hours about everything, and eventually it turned to sex, which was initiated by her. We continued to talk and talk and then decided to spend some time together outside of work and it was amazing, we really made a connection.
We ened up one night in her car fooling around and then shortly after that she said she wanted to be friends. I said I really would like to continue this, but I will honor her decision.
(By way of her history --- her most recent serious relationship was with an older male who abrutly walked away from her to stay with his wife, as he was diagnosed with cancer, but he was successfully treated. Of course after he was cured he wanted to resume the affair, but will not leave his wife and she still has feelings for him, but wants to move on. This relationship ended 2 years ago).
After she said she told me she wanted to be friends, she said maybe FWB only because she was really attracted to me. I said yes (for selfish reasons) and we tried it one time and she said she could not continue it, I tried to convince her otherwise. She then stated could we hang out as friends, I said yes if that is what she wanted. So we did a few times and things were fun as always but the attraction grew stronger.
Since then we have hung out and fooled around a couple of times and also just hung out. We have alot of fun together and alot of common interests. She went away for the weekend with her family and we talked and texted all weekend, at which time she said she loved me, and has repeated that several times to me. In fact, she recently said she thinks she wants to marry me, thinks we would be happy forever and we would have beautiful children and she wants to have my baby and have sex with me everyday. All of which I agree.
Last week we had amazing sex, it was great for both of us. She tells me everyday that she wants to spend everynight after work with me, even when she does go out with her friends she will text me, call me and tell me she misses me. She tells me that guys her age cannot give her want she wants....and has tried to date but without success guys her age.
However, her mantra (for there is no future) is because:
1. She could not see herself marrying me because she wants her family and friends at the wedding. Well her best friend already knows about me and we get along, but her mother disapproved of her last relationship and it caused them to fight. She is presuming that this will occur again and she does not want this to happen with her mother again. I take it as a given that this will occur as well.
2. She is concerned about the age issue and does not want to become a widow and live alone with a child at an early age. (this is in part I think because of the health issues with her last boyfriend). I am a healty 40 male and no present health concerns.
I love this women, she motivates me to be a better person, I adore her and she is just amazing.
DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ?

Hi,
You stated that her best friend knows about you does that mean her family doesn't? How long have you been seeing each other?
From your post it sounds like to me she doesn't really know what she wants. She wants to be
friends, then FWB, then friends, then she wants to marry you and have babies and have sex everyday. She still has feelings for the man she had an AFFAIR with. She is scared of what her parents would say, and scared of the age difference and health concerns. Doesn't really matter why she has these issues, it matters that she has them period. And she is the only one that can resolve them. You can't do it for her.
Hanging out and having sex a few times does not make a relationship. And it sure doesn't make for a good marriage. It takes time to get to know someone and want to know if you can spend the rest of your life with them. It takes honesty, trust, love, commitment, communication, respect just to name a few.