Is this man a moocher?

Avatar for cheyplace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Is this man a moocher?
11
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:00pm
I have been divorced for 15 yrs. and during this time I have worked very hard, and because of this I have managed to pay for my home and land. Recently a man that I have been dating for about a year, (although I have known him much longer) suggested that he move in with me. He says that he loves me. He makes three time the money that I do, rents,(he and his 25year old son live together and have for the past year). He pays most of his sons bills and provides a free place for him to live. His son was just recentely arrested for illegal drug posession, and is always in trouble. Anyway, his idear of an equal finicial living arrange is paying half of the bills, which are the basic utility bills and half of the monthly grocery bill. He wants to live cheapely so that he can pay off all of his creditors and save his money. He says that since my place is paid for half of the utility bills is a fair deal. Personally --I think he is trying to use me for his gain. Under these circumstances--what should a man's obligation be concerning living expenses? I really don't want to be greedy, but I don't want to be a fool either, like most women are these days. Thanks

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Avatar for cheyplace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 9:42am
First of all--shame on me for calling most women fools---second--thanks for all the responses that has helped me see the picture more clearly thus preventing me from becomming the biggest fool of all. I do understand there are many different definitions of fairness--but--usually there are set rules of conduct in relations and all walks of life that lead to emotional wellbeing. My emotional state( thinking that he truly loved me, and me wanting a loving relation), certainly could entice me to feel that I was being unreasonable in asking for this particular financially arrangement, then, later down the road, after I let him move in, and after paying all the upkeep, insurance, repairs, etc. on my home and property, while he bask in prosperity and finicial gain, I would probably become resentful, which would lead to discontent and eventually a split, and the nightmare of trying to get him out. I failed to mention that he based his idear of the appropriate financial arrangement on what he paid his very elderly mother ($200 a month) when he moved in with herfor 6 monthes, after his divorce,at which time he got his finances in order. Reckon he was thinking of me as his mother? Lol. I think he does care, he just wants to keep all his money together, and drizzle it out when HE feel like it.I don't think bills can't be paid that way.

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