A Man in need of Help
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| Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:38pm |
I am a male seeking advice on what to do about the relationship I am not having with my wife. She is always angry with me, she insults me often and on a regular basic. I'm told I am too stupid for her and she feels like I am the wrong man for her. She will not forgive me for waking her from sleeping the way that I do to have sex, she feels that I don't respect her nor do I care about how she feels. We don't hug or kiss, the affections come from me 90 percent of the time. She has no job and she saids that she won't leave because she has no where to go. If I want her out then I will have to seek eviction papers from the court. I love her and I really don't want her to go, but I can't keep living like this, there is no sex, no love and lots of anger coming from her. I now feel as if I am being taken advantage of and I don't want to become as bitter as she is. She has yet to say she is leaving,I have been asked why should she, when she doesn't have to work, have sex with me and still be able to get to drive a new car, spend the money I make and have a brand new house to live in. I pay ALL the bills and she spends all the extra money clubing and buying herself clothes. I don't fault her for the way she feels, I just want her to make a decision about how to deal with us because if she can't then one of us has got to go. I don't fool around on her, I work 12 to 14 hours a day and the only thing I want is to feel that she love and appreciates the effort I put into what I do to keep us living as best that we can. Is there anyone out there that can explain to me what should be going on here. I can tell all that I know, however it will take a long time to do it here and I don't want to bore you totally with my problem.
HELP ME I AM SINKING FAST AND DEATH IS KNOCKING AT MY DOOR

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It sounds as if your wife feels resentful and unappreciated, and has for a long time, while you are feeling desperate for love and intimacy with your wife. It may not be possible to fix this, but since you want to try, tomorrow call a good marriage counselor and make an appointment. In the meantime, read the Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, and stop waking her up for sex.
Good luck!
Okay, this sounds different from what you said before. I based my comment about waking her up for sex on this: "She will not forgive me for waking her from sleeping the way that I do to have sex, she feels that I don't respect her nor do I care about how she feels." If my husband persistently woke me for sex after I asked him not to, I would feel disrespected and that he didn't care how I felt, too.
Since you've decided that you need to go your separate ways, you no longer need the book, the marriage counselor, or the opinions of this board--they are now irrelevant. What you need is a lawyer to protect your financial interests and end the marriage as swiftly and amicably as possible.
She is doing this to you because you allow it.
If the counseling is not an option and won't work, you need to do what you can to protect yourself. Respect yourself first do what is right for you, it is obvious that she doesn't respect herself, you or your marriage, sounds like she need professional help. No one deserves to be treated like she is treating you, but we are treated the way we allow people to treat us. Please consult a lawyer and see what you can do to get out of this. And work on yourself and why you would put up with something like this. Good luck
This is complicated, because I'm not seeing the chronology. However, you now have my recommendation for both decisions: if it's "Stay in the marriage," you can try the book, the marriage counselor, and the message board; if it's "Get a divorce," you'll need an attorney to protect your interests and get everything over with.
I understand that you're conflicted and confused, but you're making things harder by trying to think for two people. Your wife is an adult (and possibly an unpleasant one)--she can do her own thinking and take care of herself, even if you doubt it. Your job is to protect yourself and your own well-being, so make your decisions based on what will be best for you.
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