A Man in need of Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
A Man in need of Help
11
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:38pm

I am a male seeking advice on what to do about the relationship I am not having with my wife. She is always angry with me, she insults me often and on a regular basic. I'm told I am too stupid for her and she feels like I am the wrong man for her. She will not forgive me for waking her from sleeping the way that I do to have sex, she feels that I don't respect her nor do I care about how she feels. We don't hug or kiss, the affections come from me 90 percent of the time. She has no job and she saids that she won't leave because she has no where to go. If I want her out then I will have to seek eviction papers from the court. I love her and I really don't want her to go, but I can't keep living like this, there is no sex, no love and lots of anger coming from her. I now feel as if I am being taken advantage of and I don't want to become as bitter as she is. She has yet to say she is leaving,I have been asked why should she, when she doesn't have to work, have sex with me and still be able to get to drive a new car, spend the money I make and have a brand new house to live in. I pay ALL the bills and she spends all the extra money clubing and buying herself clothes. I don't fault her for the way she feels, I just want her to make a decision about how to deal with us because if she can't then one of us has got to go. I don't fool around on her, I work 12 to 14 hours a day and the only thing I want is to feel that she love and appreciates the effort I put into what I do to keep us living as best that we can. Is there anyone out there that can explain to me what should be going on here. I can tell all that I know, however it will take a long time to do it here and I don't want to bore you totally with my problem.

HELP ME I AM SINKING FAST AND DEATH IS KNOCKING AT MY DOOR

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 8:39am

It sounds as if your wife feels resentful and unappreciated, and has for a long time, while you are feeling desperate for love and intimacy with your wife. It may not be possible to fix this, but since you want to try, tomorrow call a good marriage counselor and make an appointment. In the meantime, read the Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, and stop waking her up for sex.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 8:48am
It sounds like you should be talking to a lawyer to do what you can to protect yourself. You generally can't simply evict her. Depending on where you live, any assets you've earned during the marriage are going to likely to considered as community property. She's probably going to get half the equity in the house that's built up since you were married, and if you bought two cars during the marriage, she'll get one of those. Since she doesn't work, you may end up having to pay alimony to her. Some states that would require having the marriage be a certain duration, others it doesn't matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 3:01pm
I don't bother her for sex, I only want her to be more helpful and understanding. I've suggested that she can have the house but I know that she would lose it and I will have major issues behind that. I want her to be happy even if it is not with me, because I want to be happy also. Since we may not be able to work this out, I feel it is better for us both if we just go our separate way and make the best of this life we have left.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 4:06pm

Okay, this sounds different from what you said before. I based my comment about waking her up for sex on this: "She will not forgive me for waking her from sleeping the way that I do to have sex, she feels that I don't respect her nor do I care about how she feels." If my husband persistently woke me for sex after I asked him not to, I would feel disrespected and that he didn't care how I felt, too.

Since you've decided that you need to go your separate ways, you no longer need the book, the marriage counselor, or the opinions of this board--they are now irrelevant. What you need is a lawyer to protect your financial interests and end the marriage as swiftly and amicably as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 6:23pm

She is doing this to you because you allow it.

If the counseling is not an option and won't work, you need to do what you can to protect yourself. Respect yourself first do what is right for you, it is obvious that she doesn't respect herself, you or your marriage, sounds like she need professional help. No one deserves to be treated like she is treating you, but we are treated the way we allow people to treat us. Please consult a lawyer and see what you can do to get out of this. And work on yourself and why you would put up with something like this. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:12am
It is not my wish to get out of the marriage, I am thinking about what may be best for her and the sex thing I told you about was 6 years ago. I would not still be doing that and yet asking her to forgive me for making a bad decision on what I thought was going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 5:04am

This is complicated, because I'm not seeing the chronology. However, you now have my recommendation for both decisions: if it's "Stay in the marriage," you can try the book, the marriage counselor, and the message board; if it's "Get a divorce," you'll need an attorney to protect your interests and get everything over with.

I understand that you're conflicted and confused, but you're making things harder by trying to think for two people. Your wife is an adult (and possibly an unpleasant one)--she can do her own thinking and take care of herself, even if you doubt it. Your job is to protect yourself and your own well-being, so make your decisions based on what will be best for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:03pm
maybe I should start over from the beginiing and put things in propective, if you are interested, you sound like someone that make sense to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:18pm
wow thats a sad way to have to live ya know. I forgot if you have kids togeher if not i think you should give her a chance to attend marriage therapy and if she says no serve her with papers.Why she would treat you like this after you work so hard and she dosent is beyond me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:20pm
you shouldnt have to wake up your wife for sex! She should be giving it to you. I dont think like the last person said that she sounds like she feels unappreciated it sounds like she is a spoiled woman. Do not give her your house. If anything sell it and split the money if there is any left.

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