man's fear of marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
man's fear of marriage
3
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 9:54pm
I have been dating a man for 2 years. In the beginning he initiated the talk of marriage and children, and I was so relieved to find someone who felt the same way I did. Now, 2 years later, he is not interested in marriage, but maybe interested in having children. He does talk about the future with me in it, but can someone help me understand why men seem so fearful of marriage? I think by now he should know if I'm the one or not (since I used to be!) and nothing has really changed. He is in his 40s and I am in my 30s, and I do not want to delay having children much longer. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:35pm
The book review on this one - Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games by George Weinberg say in part "Men actually want commitment, love, and permanence every bit as much as women do," assures the author of this no-nonsense guide for frustrated women, but they often act as if they don't because of "feelings of threat to their masculinity." Clinical psychologist Weinberg (Self Creation) explains that men, forced by a macho culture to hide their feelings until they lose touch with them, often cannot recognize or articulate them, and that it may be the woman's job to identify inchoate feelings dangerous to the relationship (his "gut reactions") and alter her behavior."

And there were some good reviews from people that read it too.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 11:27pm
I know a lot of people live together without marriage and have children. It's a personal decision. For me, if a man loves me enough to share a home with me ... even have children with me ... then he should respect me enough to make it legal ... if he can not ... he's not THE ONE!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 5:54pm

All men are not afraid of marriage, but some are. Some cannot committ to a woman or fear the responsibility of taking on a family. I do not know about this particular man, because I do not know him. And you may not either. More than that, it sounds as though he does not know himself. However, if you do want to have a family, and want the committment and support to go with it, it doesn't sound as though he's for you. You have already spent enough time with him for him to be in a position to committ to marriage, if that is what you want. If he doesn't, and you want the best for yourself, it's time to say good-bye. You're not going to change him. He's mislead you, by saying one thing and then taking it away. I wouldn't waste anymore time with a person like this.


Best wishes.