marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
marriage
8
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:32pm
hello i'm a new member. i need some advice on men. here's the story i have been happily married for 7 years i have one child. my husband works for ups so he delivers packages to businesses and residentials. we have nextel cellphones with walkie talkies. one day i was out and tried to reach my husband on the walkie talkie and got no answer so i knew he was out of the truck so i went and strapped my daughter into the car seat and seconds later i hear my husband screaming over the walkie talkie saying oh my god bro holy cow long blonde hair double dd's long legs oh my god my heart dropped to my stomach i could't believe what i was hearing. what happen was my husbands friend was last person talking on the phone before he got out of the truck and i beeped in after so when he picked up the phone to talk he didn't look to see who was on it so he thought he was still connected to his friend. my self esteem has been shattered i consider myself an attractive girl but hearing this hurts bad. i know my husband will always look at women it's human nature but to get so excited from it and have to shout it out over the phone to a friend (well at least he thought) makes me feel like an ass. i think its very disrespectful. when i confronted my husband he apologized sincerely and says it does'nt mean anything its just stupid locker room talk and he loves me and thats not what he wants he feels terriable he hurt me, but i cant help but wonder if he's not happy with me am i overreacting to this? i dont know but i feel it was very immature coming from a happily married man in his thirties. i always had full trust in my husband but now i feel so insecure i sit and worry everyday if he has to deliver another package to this blonde bomb shell if he is that strongly attracted to her what if she likes him will it ever lead to something. i need your advice am i being silly is this normal behavior from men that say they are completely happy with their wives. why are men such pigs? please help mend my broken heart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gina32272
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:10pm

gina32272...

First...Pianoguy is disgusted by the question: "why are men such pigs?" Not only does it lump all of us in the same UPS box, but it's clear that you don't understand us AT ALL!

Considering the number of people your husband encounters everyday, he's going to see many ladies who might...err...get his attention? And like many guys, he's sharing these sights with his buddies! It's something men do on occasion. (And excuse me...but WOMEN often do the same thing when there's a 'real hunk' in sight)! It's definitely a "locker room activity" that many men participate in. This is called..."acting like a guy!"

Does this mean your husband's recent behavior is an indication that YOU no longer turn him on? I doubt it. The man was doing his job and unfortunately, you overreacted. Would you be happier if he went to his supervisor and have his route changed in order to avoid "the blonde bombshell?" I hope not! Good paying jobs are scarce these days!

Would you please wake up?

Your husband has NO DESIRE to do anything with this woman...aside from making a package delivery. He also APOLOGIZED TO YOU for his remarks. Frankly...MANY HUSBANDS would become VERY ANGRY if their wives monitored a conversation that wasn't meant for them!

3 Suggestions:

1. Apologize to your husband for overreacting.
2. Get over the insecurity about other women...your husband is IN LOVE WITH YOU!
3. Drop the "men are such pigs" attitude....RIGHT NOW!

Pianoguy

Avatar for ladypleiades
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: gina32272
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:34pm

"Are all men pigs?" No. Do human beings react to a beautiful women? Yes. Do men have to participate in the hollering and carrying on? Absolutley not. Some men can react to a beautiful woman with dignity and care for their partner. I know many who do. And being what some may call a beautiful woman with a great figure, I have no respect for those guys who can't control themselves. It's cute when they are in college. After that, it is pathetic. Your husband knows that and he admitted it and sounds ashamed. That is respectful of you.

You accidentally overheard something that wasn't meant for you. It's not your fault. You can express how it makes you feel and you did. I wouldn't belabor it because he did apologize.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: gina32272
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:34pm
i guess your a man. im sorry if i upset you with saying men are pigs i really didn't mean all men some are worse than others though you have to admit. i wasn't purposely listening to my husbands conversation he made the mistake of not looking at the cell phone when he picked it up. at least now i know he'll check the phone before doing that again. haha, and no im not going to request his route to be changed i love my husband dearly its just hearing something like that would hurt alot of womens feelings just like if my husband heard me speaking about another mans private it would make him a little insecure to. i'm not getting divorced or anything it just happened so eventually i will forget about it. but thanks for the words of wisdom
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
In reply to: gina32272
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:27pm

Gina, you have nothing to apoligize for, you didn't do anything wrong. You accidentally heard your husband say something that hurt your feelings and you talked to him about it. You didn't try to find some way to find out what he was saying on purpose, you weren't being a spy or a snoop. Many women would react how you did. I would probably be thinking "Wow, is that the way he talks when he's not with me? Why can't he call ME a bombshell?" I totally see where you are coming from, and I think you might have just come on here to vent. He did say he was sorry and he will probably be a little more careful in the future, so that's good.

About the "all men are pigs" well, just like your husband didn't mean to say those comments to you, when you came to an advertised WOMANS site, I don't think YOU excpected MEN to be reading it lol. You didn't come her to offend guys, I'm sure you didn't think guys even lingered on here, and I think it's ok to say "men are pigs" when one hurts your feelings. I know plently of men who say "all women are b***ches" when a woman screws them over. So, don't feel too bad about it.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Trust me, your husband will show you how much he loves you, probably a lot during the next couple of weeks, so just savor those moments and I'm sure you'll bounce back :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: gina32272
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:37pm

I totally agree with ladypleiades. Enough to repeat it:

"Are all men pigs?" No.

Do human beings react to a beautiful women? Yes.

Do men have to participate in the hollering and carrying on? Absolutley not.

Some men can react to a beautiful woman with dignity and care for their partner. I know many who do. And being what some may call a beautiful woman with a great figure, I have no respect for those guys who can't control themselves.

Amen, from one Pleiades' sister to another. Great reply ladypleiades!


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: gina32272
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 8:17am
yes thankyou. your right i was quite surprised to get an answer from a man. his opinion was typical. i do feel better about it already just knowing other women understand where im coming from. i explained that to my husband that of coarse you will always find other women attractive just as i will find men attractive but women dont act like asses about it and there comes a point in time where you grow up. were not in highschool anymore!!!!!!! thankyou for responding the support helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: gina32272
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 8:30am
i just wanted to thankyou for responding it helps to vent. i didn't mean to say my husband is a pig he's actually quite the gentlemen. it's just when they get you mad you say stupid things. we've all been there. he is really sorry and i know he really loves me . what made it worse was our 4 year daughter was in the van with me and heard him thank god she's only four but the word double d's stuck out with her and she said to me mommy whats double d's the first thing that came to mind was batteries {good save} lol!!!!well thankyou again your support helps...
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gina32272
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:51am

Men can be very happily married and love their wives and also look at other women, talk about them and appreciate them. It does not mean that they will sleep with these women or that they are pigs. This is a natural and fairly common phenomena. Men get excited when they see appealing women. It is an expression of their sensuality. As I said, it does not mean that your husband does not love and value you, or that he will do anything with her. If you try to make him feel too guilty and he tries to cut out his natural spontaneous feelings, he can become a dead man walking. Just because one is married to someone they love doesn't mean they don't have natural responses to others. It just means that they don't act upon them.


Your problem here is really your own self esteem. Why do you feel so shaky and bad about yourself? You need to work on that. You need to understand why you feel that you compare so poorly with others, and why this has created a crisis for you. I suggest you talk to some well trained counsellor to work this through.


All good wishes.

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