Marriage in ruins
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Marriage in ruins
| Wed, 12-31-2003 - 1:58pm |
I dont even know if anyone can help me and my story is so long. Over three years ago I met my husband. Actually I should say he found me. I was sitting at my desk and I got an instant message ( and as I look back now I dont really know why I answered it) from someone I didnt know. He was in New Hampshire and I was in Indiana. Needless to say without getting into the whole story 7 months later he ended up in Indiana with me and we lived there together for two years. I spent the entire 7 months before I actually met him being scared of what I was feeling and not knowing if I could trust him because I knew he had issues like drug use in his past and poor relationship record. I fell so deeply in love with him and he told me that his past was his past and that he wanted a bright new future with me and that he wanted to be like me and be a part of my life and never touch drugs again or be involved in anything from his past. He knew and I told him up front that drugs were not a part of my life and I would not let them be a part of my life. The first two years were perfect....not without spats and little disagreements but what relationship is.....He was so loving and supportive and everything every girl dreams of. He proposed after we had been together for a year and we planned the wedding for the next year. In May of 2003 we moved to New Hampshire and on October 4th we were married and it was the single most happy day of my life. I did not know that happiness like that existed. I adore this man....I love this man more than anything else and usually more than myself. He seemed so happy too and everyone told me that he looked happy and that they had never seen a groom glow so much and look at their new wife so adoringly. Six weeks after our wedding day he came to me and said that hes not happy being married that he wasnt ready to be married and that he felt forced to get engaged and that he had already gone back to the drugs shortly after me moved to New Hampshire and got back into his old circle of friends who are no good for him and I have a bad feeling that they have feed him full of thoughts and turned him against me. From Thanksgiving to Christmas I tried so hard to get him to confide in me and talk to me about what was bothering him and work on the problems that it was causing us. He wouldnt talk or if he did he would just get upset with what I said and yell and swear at me and say the nastiest ugliest things to me that he could think of, which was totally not like him. He stopped sleeping in bed about a month ago and I have basically been on my own since then. Most days there was a complete lack of communication and nothing was said at all his attitude toward his son my step son was even different. I bought him so many christmas gifts.....actually I bought everyones christmas gifts with my 3 jobs. He took our rent money and bought me a digital camera on christmas eve...causing me more stress. I begged him to stop the drugs and to come back to bed and he would tell me to go lay down somewhere or stop hovering over him he wouldnt even let me touch him or hug him it seemed like an annoyance to him. Christmas came and went and it just kept getting worse and I told him that we needed to work on this or it couldnt work the next day this was 3 days ago he left and moved in with one of his drug buddies who just so happened to break up with his girlfriend as well. Then I got the phone bill $600.00 worth of calls to some girl in California who he says doesnt mean anything to him except someone to talk to. All those nights I tried to talk to him he would wait till I went to sleep and call this girl he met on the internet just like me. I do nothing but cry uncontrollably and sob and shake and get sick and then it starts all over again and I cry some more. The pain is unbearable. Last night I felt like ending it all. Im scared to be alone Im scared that Im getting suicidal. I begged in on the phone last night to make it all go away and just come back home and say he loves me again and he acted like he didnt care and that he didnt know when the next time I would see him again is. Please help me.

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