Is this marriage too damaged?
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| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 12:46pm |
I was really upset, not bc of the porn, but bc he lost his job (he had to be doing it quite a bit) and bc of all the lying. He told me if I looked at porn I was cheating. He ended up going to counseling for almost a year for it. I found out he was looking at it again (while he was in counseling as well), and I confronted him about this numerous times and all he does is lie about it. The excuses and cover ups are so unbelievable. This has been going on for a long time. I don't understand why he lies about it. I know that there are alot of women out there that wouldn't be okay with their men looking at porn, but he has a wife that would enjoy doing it with him. I am really open sexually, he know that.
I am at the point where I am seriously considering divorce because I can't take the lying anymore. I want a better life and relationship (we don't have kids, thank God). How can you have a close relationship with someone who constantly lies? You can't. I know that some people are thinking that I knew he was into porn when I met him, and I did and I am accountable for that. He never lied about it when we got together at all - obviously if he had, I wouldn't have married him. BTW, when we got married our sex life changed dramatically. He was so disinterested. I was always initiating it. I was always in the mood for it, and I thought he was just stressed or whatever, but all the while he was looking at porn and masturbating.
I feel that I have tried everything to make this work, and I don't want to get a divorce, bc I really love this man. But I don't see things changing. I mean if counseling didn't work, what else could we try? I came out here to get some objective advice bc I am scared to death of being without him, but I am miserable staying him. I just don't know what to do. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Shae

You might want to read Pam's story about porn....
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcouplescou/?msg=7864.7
Carrie