marriage in trouble over sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
marriage in trouble over sex
1
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 8:11pm

Help is needed! I am just not sure what to do anymore...

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and together for 10. We're both in our mid 30's and financially stable. We broke up for 1 year about 5 years ago and my DH had a son during that time...so I have a 5 year old stepson and a 20 month old at home.

The only problem that we have ever had in our relationship has been sex. My DH wants sex every day and I don't. That's basically what it comes down to. Since my son was born, it's just gotten worse and I am exhausted every night and have no desire to have sex at all.

Just before I had my son, I found some flirty emails from my husband to a coworker/friend of ours. I confronted him on it (and her eventually) and while I'm confident that nothing happened, it started a downward spiral of our relationship.

In the last year my husband and I have spent many days not speaking to each other because of sex and my lack of desire. THere have been a few bad fights, a lot of tears and confusion as to where our life is headed.

I love my husband and he loves me, but this weekend, it all came to a head. We were away at a wedding, without kids, and Friday night we finally got back to our hotel room at 11 and my husband wanted to rent an adult movie. I said no because I was beat, but we did have sex.

The next night, after the wedding and many drinks, we finally arrived at the hotel at 1:30, again, my husband wanted to rent a movie and have "wild sex" (his words) and I said no to the movie and hopped in the shower. He flipped out on me and told me that I was a horrible wife and that basically it was over. He was verbally abusive to me and I chose not to argue back and just clammed up and went to sleep.

That was almost 24 hours ago and we have said nothing to each other since.

In all my visions of how my life would be, I never thought I'd have a husband who would say that he wanted a divorce because I didn't watch porn with him. I know that is a symptom of a larger problem, but we just can't seem to get past my lack of libido and his desire to have sex all the time.

I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 1:15pm

Welcome to the board ccmom2007,


::I know that is a symptom of a larger problem, but we just can't seem to get past my lack of libido and his desire to have sex all the time.


What have you done to address this issue? Have you discussed it with your doctor, had your hormones checked or even talked to a quailified counselor?