married 10 mo. and no trust please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
married 10 mo. and no trust please help
4
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:24pm
I have been married for 10 months. My husband joined a forum where he talks about sports and stuff with people. I asked him if he talked to girls and if he looks at dirty pictues. He said no he would never do that to me but I always had a feeling he wasnt being honest with me. So one night I signed on to his forum and found out he was looking at nude photos of girls the whole time after he promised me he wouldnt do that. And to make matters worse he added relpies to them saying he wanted to have sex with these women.. I have confronted him about it and at first he denied it until I showed him the proof, then he told me he was just trying to be one of the guys.. I just have no trust in him now, after he lied to me for 7 months of our marriage. How can I trust him again? Please Help
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:07pm
kcutie8...

First...Pianoguy won't make any excuses for your husband's bad behavior. It's basically stupid and immature....but unfortunately, typical of a lot of men who enjoy "porn surfing" or "internet flirting!" .

What has me curious (and slightly confused) is why the man is resorting to this ploy after only 10 months of marriage? Has anything changed in your relationship since the two of you said "I DO?" Most 'newlywedded males' are still thrilled being in the company of their loving spouses and don't spend their free time seeking out an alternative partner....UNLESS....the new bride has turned into the (drum roll please)...."Monster Mate!!!"

Does this sound at all like you?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:38pm
My husband and I sometimes watch an adult movie or something, I know guys sometimes enjoy looking at porn on the web and I told him if he feels the need to do that just be honest with me and that is something we had agreed to prior to marriage. I just dont know why he feels the need to lie to me now. I dont know if I will ever be able to trust what he says now. I think I have been the same since we have been married, the only difference is now we have been talking about having a baby and I think the baby conversation started about the same time he started playing on the forums... Do you think maybe he is freaked out about having a baby? he is the one who is saying he is excited about having one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:58pm
Kcutie...I'm sorry some men are just a*holes. There is NOTHING wrong with you, you aren't changed and you aren't a monster. I know where you are coming from completely. I always try to spice up me and my husband sex life by trying just about ANYTHING new I can think of, we've been married for a year and 5 months and about 2 months into our marriage I found him doing the same pic/flirting thing that your DH hs been doing. He said he was sorry and made all sorts of promises to me. I enjoy watching an adult movie or two and I all I ever ask of him is to just be honest. Well guess what? Today I found out he's been pretty much pic/flirting with girls online the WHOLE time. That's a whole year of lies. He's 29 and I'm 20 and I'm open to trying anything...so you'd think he has it made, but apparently...he just does it because he just likes it. I don't know what to do. It hurts me and he betrayed my trust, just as your DH did. I think I'm going to talk him into counseling, or at least go on my own because my self esteem is suffering a lot esp right now knowing that maybe he does this because one girl..one wife no matter how fun/young and how much I try to please him...just can't do it for him. I suggest you ask him WHY he does this and try to get him to talk to a counselor with you.

I'm sorry, I know the pain you are in. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 6:16pm
kcutie8...

Pianoguy isn't sure if a "potential heir" is the issue. Granted...your husband would have to "share you" with a younger version of the 2 of you...but perhaps the thought of you getting slightly larger in the tummy might be making him a little nervous? Some husbands LOVE it when their wives are pregnant...and actually find 'em sexier! However, there are STILL a few husbands out there who don't know how to deal with an "almost mom!" Would you believe there are at least one or two who wish a child could arrive as quickly as a 'self-developing photo'----some men would like the process over in 60 seconds---particularly during month #9! (Now that I think of it...I'll bet there are at least one or two women who wish the entire 9-month birthing cycle could be 'streamlined' within a minute or two?). Anyway...

Even though you appear to be comfortable with the fact that your husband is 'surfing the porn sites', do you think he might be 'a little too embarrassed' to admit it?

How do you tell the difference between a "peaker" and a "pervert?"

Pianoguy