Married, depressed, confused
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Married, depressed, confused
| Fri, 05-04-2007 - 9:56pm |
I just needed to get this off my chest. I really don't want to bring this up to anyone I know personally. 7 years ago, I had such an awesome relationship with a guy, "Brad", who I found out was engaged to be married. We got along so well. I met him at a club, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. We ended it 2 weeks before his wedding day. I fell for him so badly. We keep in contact, we email each other from time to time. He is happily married now, with 2 kids. I've been married for about 4 years to a really great guy. The bad thing about this? Not a day goes by where I don't think about "Brad". I think about him every single day, since that faithful day we met. I took the day off from work the day he got married. I cried myself to sleep every night for about a year. I can honestly say that I still have very strong feelings for "Brad". I wish I had these feelings for my husband. Our marriage is boring. We haven't had sex since November of '06. I am ashamed of being naked in front of him. The past relationships I've had, I could care less if I had clothes on. What is wrong with me? I am so depressed over this matter. It's been eating away at me for so long. I don't want to disappoint my husband. He is a wonderful man. I am not attracted to him as much as I used to be. Not as much as "Brad", still, to this day. I am so confused. I don't know what to do. We have no kids, we live in a condo. We both work crazy hours so we hardly see each other awake. This sucks.

Dear Married, depresssed and confused,
I can totally identify with what you're going through. Here is my story:
I'm 32 years old, married for six years and I have a beautiful daughter that's turning 3 next week. I'm finishing up lawschool so I'm supposed to bestudying for the bar. My husband is successful and works all the time and I knew this when I married him. I love him because he is so caring but I don't think I have ever been in love with him. I started dating him right after breaking up with the love of my life which was 10 years ago. I thought about him every day for years; I still do, but the pain fades with time.
This is what is going on right now:
I don't understand why, but I have become obsessed with a man that I can never have. M does landscaping in our area and I first met him 3 years ago when we moved in but I didn't think anything of him. Now I take my dogs out walking as soon as I see him so that I can say hi or talk to him; while I'm "studying", I watch for his truck and hope that he will show up. He is 42, married to a woman with whom he has 6 kids. I don't know what to do to get past this but it's tearing me apart. I'm often sad and regret that I settled for security instead of waiting for real love but it's too late know. I was a real party girl in my early 20s and I loved the attention I got. After I got married I never felt excited about looking good for my husband.
My advice to you is to start over while you can becasue having children changes everything.
Lots of hugs!