Married but not in"love"
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Married but not in"love"
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:24pm |
I have been married for 4 years to a great guy, however there is another man that I have known for 10 years and had a relationship with previously. He keeps popping up and we both realize that we still have VERY strong feelings for each other. He is currently in the middle of seperating from his wife and I am currently questioning my marriage. Although I love my husband it is not that passionate, I can't live without you love that I feel for this other man. We were never able to really explore a relationship but have always felt that we had a very deep connection (I have never felt with any one else, even my husband) Part of me thinks I should just concentrate on making my marriage work and never have contact with this other man, but it breaks my heart to think I would never talk to him again. Its been 10 years of missed opportunity and poor timing with this other man and now it really has me wondering what could have been. WE both know it would have worked and been the best relationship but timing and circumstance didn't allow it to happen. Maybe for a reason, I don't know, all I know is that whenever I talk to this other man I get butterflys in my stomach - I just have to think about him and that happens.
I am so confused and feel like my heart is being torn in two - I really just need to hear opinions from strangers who don't know me.
Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it - positve or not

Pianoguy thinks you might be a future victim of a "rebound romance!" This man you seem to be willing to dump your husband for might have an outside appearance of perfection, but perhaps a hidden scar or two as well?
I'm sure you've heard the term: "You can't go home again?" Well, with most past relationships, that quote is also true.
Just to play devil's advocate....if your husband had his eyes on another woman (even though you might have been devoted as hell to him)...how would you feel if he suddenly dumped you? If you have a TRUE DESIRE to work out your marriage...DO IT...and DROP THE THOUGHT OF REIGNITING AN OLD FLAME.
"Getting burned" a 2nd time can be devastating!
Pianoguy (who has the emotional scars to prove it).
Instead, you are right to think about focusing on your marriage, falling in love again, making it exciting.
Ellen Kreidman, says in her book, The 10 Second Kiss, that people fall in love and stay in love not because of how they feel about the other person, but how they feel about themselves when they are with that person. This guy has given you attention, let it be known he has feelings for you, but who knows how he really treated his wife, how he communicated his needs in the marriage, how they resolved the issues or didn't.
The grass is not greener.
Reading material for you and your husband:
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
Passionate Marriage, David Schnarch
My best to you.
Carrie