Married, pregnant, miserable
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Married, pregnant, miserable
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:35pm |
My husband and I have only been married for 2 weeks, a couple of days ago I found out I was pregnant, when I first told him he was very happy about it.
The next day he came to me and asked me to have an abortion. He made it clear that at the very least he would be very unhappy if I didn't go along with his wishes, he also made it appear as if he would leave if I didn't abort. There are some differences I've tried to understand and cannot.
I have 2 children from before our marriage. A 4 year old and a 2 year old. I am an American woman. I am 23, he is 24. Abortion is something I cannot agree with, it goes against my own beliefs drastically. He tells me I don't love him because I'd said I couldn't do that. I have tried to make him understand that I would not ever be happy with that decision and he doesn't understand.
My husband is from India, and for those who don't know...abortion is encouraged there because of overpopulation problems. It's a commonly done practice, and everyone does it. He has a very careless attitude because of this. He wants us to have time to ourselves (I'm not sure where he figured the 2 kids in there), more time to be married before we have a child (I somewhat understand this at least, it is nice to enjoy our married time together, however, pregnancy takes 10 months, that's a lot of time!) and that he feels like his life would be over if I don't abort. I am going to having this child. Is there some way I can tell him this that will encourage him to stay and work with me on this? Both of us are very much opposed to divorce. Are there words I can possibly use to make him understand I need his love and support? And that by keeping this child I'm not ignoring his needs?? I have thought of his side of things..the fact remains..I am pregnant, that cannot be undone.
The next day he came to me and asked me to have an abortion. He made it clear that at the very least he would be very unhappy if I didn't go along with his wishes, he also made it appear as if he would leave if I didn't abort. There are some differences I've tried to understand and cannot.
I have 2 children from before our marriage. A 4 year old and a 2 year old. I am an American woman. I am 23, he is 24. Abortion is something I cannot agree with, it goes against my own beliefs drastically. He tells me I don't love him because I'd said I couldn't do that. I have tried to make him understand that I would not ever be happy with that decision and he doesn't understand.
My husband is from India, and for those who don't know...abortion is encouraged there because of overpopulation problems. It's a commonly done practice, and everyone does it. He has a very careless attitude because of this. He wants us to have time to ourselves (I'm not sure where he figured the 2 kids in there), more time to be married before we have a child (I somewhat understand this at least, it is nice to enjoy our married time together, however, pregnancy takes 10 months, that's a lot of time!) and that he feels like his life would be over if I don't abort. I am going to having this child. Is there some way I can tell him this that will encourage him to stay and work with me on this? Both of us are very much opposed to divorce. Are there words I can possibly use to make him understand I need his love and support? And that by keeping this child I'm not ignoring his needs?? I have thought of his side of things..the fact remains..I am pregnant, that cannot be undone.

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You asked how to proceed with your situation...based on the facts you provided, I simply gave you an opinion on an option. In that he obviously can support himself and others, there is no reason he cannot support you - an assumption one wouldn't make based on a "he lives with roommates" statement or having married you prior to finding them somewhere else to go that they could afford, or in leaving himself and establishing himself in a "home" that could house you and your existing children at his expense without a problem.
I hope you really do work it out....it's a situation that most people wouldn't get into if reviewing the facts realistically, despite the feelings at the moment. But, you have...so I hope it works out.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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