married surgeon
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married surgeon
| Sun, 07-25-2004 - 11:25am |
My son recently had lung surgery in a chicago hospital. His surgeon pretended he was single till I asked him about 1 month later. He spoke as if he were alone and wore no ring. Asked me about my sex life and mentioned his. anyway, by this time I came to like him alot. Now, he says he is married (not sure about that) and he can't talk to me. I want to be able to take a recourse other than just getting away from him. does anyone know about the ethics board. I know where I can file a disciplinary action agains him but wonder if he can retalliate and sue me. also, can't prove much accept the attentiveness he paid me in the hospital which others may or may not have noticed. any other recourse other than telling his wife??

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I suppose you can always begin with the hospital adminstrator? There's probably some sort of 'patient liason group' available at the facility.
Whether you want to pursue this or not...and possibly jeopardize a man's professional reputation...is something you should THINK VERY CLEARLY ABOUT. I'm not suggesting that you should drop this issue because there are ethical procedures in a doctor-patient relationship. However, I wonder if you're more upset by the fact that you shared intimate sexual information with a man you thought was single...but who was actually married?
Pianoguy
Are you nuts? You made alot of assumptions - that he was single, you engaged in sexual conversation (if he's guilty of it so are you and if it was wrong for me to do - it was for you) - and basically you didn't offer him "some without obligation" soon enough......and so he's backed off, he doesn't want complications (married or not).
I can't understand what you're upset about - except that you really thought you had one on the string that was a winner...and now you're finding out that he was never taking the bait.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
doubleblade:
i didn't come here for junk like that. He came on me and asked me questions. I didn't ask him a thing except if he was married which he should have said long ago. I also am much better off than a surgeon. No, i am not nuts, people like that need to be stopped . Your "some without obligation", I assume your referringto sex. don't you think you should know a person before you have sex? you sound pretty free to me.
If you file a complaint on him for his talking about sex with you and not disclosing his marital status (which apparently you're still unclear on as to facts) - what you're going to open is "your actions, your behavior, your intentions, your goals" to his review, his dissertation and his disclosure per his perception of them.
That's my point......if he was coming onto you and making sexual innuendo - you didn't "take the bait" - which is no different than if you were in an office environment and a married coworker made sexual innuendo.
If you're going to file a complaint in an office in the HR Department about a coworker who is making sexual advances...what you better be 100% certain on is that YOU NEVER engaged in any actions, decisions, or words that were or even could be portrayed as encouraging it, or involving yourself voluntarily with it.
That's the point in full. YOu're going to go and file a complaint on him for being a surgeon, and talking about sex, and making a sexual come on. Which, if he did it - he shouldn't have.
And he's going to turn it on you and say that you were flirting with him, making sexual advances and discussing sexual behavior, he wasn't sure how to distance himself from you because he was required to discuss things of a medical nature, and that you misinterpreted his discussions and his actions and that when he realized what you were seeking from him - he honestly disclosed his marital status (if he is married) or he went so far as to fabricate his marital status (because he's not married) so that you would cease your blantant pursuit of him sexually.
All I'm saying is - be prepared for your actions and words to be portrayed in a less than stellar light by him and his attorney if you're going to attack and possibly permanently damage his professional reputation and image.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Good. Count your blessings, he isn't harassing you. Why would he take a polygraph test and why would the hospital or the board ask him to? This is so small that they would probably give him a slap on the wrist or less and send you some uniform letter from their lawyer. He would probably accuse you of flirting with him. Then he would be pissed at you and God help you if your son ever needed medical attention from a pissed off surgeon.
What is really going on here? Do you just want retaliation? Is this about being upset with men who lie to you?
But basically, people's values justify their actions, decisions and words. So the guy didn't think he was doing anything "wrong" in what he did - maybe he didn't like the result - teh refusal...but to him it was not "wrong" to do what he did.
And what he did is subject to his standards, his definitions and his interpretation - as well as yours.
Now realistically, why would he take a polygraph? So that you won't file a complaint? And in case you haven't realized it - polygraphs work on your nervous system response - which speeds heart rate and breathing. You're thinking he doesn't have access to medication which would level him out...making what wasn't wrong to begin with something he doesn't even flinch at no matter how it is presented?
So basically, why would he take a polygraph? He doesn't need to - even if you file a complaint - it's he said/she said - your interpretation of his actions vs. his interpretation with his "intentions" thrown in there - which you can't know anything about.
While I have no doubt that if he did come on to you - he wanted a fling...he didn't get it. So he didn't get what he wanted - and let it go at that. Anything else makes you appear to be juvenile, unrealistic, illogical and immature. Because basically - what you ARE upset about is that he's no longer accepting your advances. When it comes down to it - if he were still discussing sex and coming on - you'd be delighted and thrilled. All he'd have to do is never disclose his marital statusand until after he got what he wanted...and even then - you're back to he said/she said....with both of you being held accountable as self-responsible adults and if you want to have casual sex with a married surgeon - any ethics committee would consider that business between you two.
And ethics board is there for when he steps outside the ethics of his profession in a professional capacity. Not for when his professional status has him being desirable to women, or allows him to meet women - because if that were true no doctor could even consider asking a woman out.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I hope your son is doing well now...and that if he ever needs a surgeon again, there'll be someone else available.
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