Marry, Date or Dump

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Marry, Date or Dump
4
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 10:50pm

I have been dating the same guy for the past six years, four years ago we bought a house together. I thought we were happy, but always felt like something was missing. I started getting marriage envy when all of my friends started getting married, and tried to talk to him about us getting married but his response was always first he would get mad, mad at me for bringing it up, mad at me for wanting to get married, and then he would calm down and tell me he does want to get married but doesn't want to rush into anything. Now about 90% of our friends are married, and starting families and we have yet to even have a serious conversation about marriage. It has gotten to the point that I feel like I am stuck, I love him but I do want to be married and have children soon. I feel like there is a wedge driving us apart, I don't know if the marriage thing started it or if we have lost our connection but we talk less and less, have less and less in common, and make each other laugh less and less. I don't know if it's because I am starting to give up on us, or if we truly are incompatible. So what do I do? Do I continue to date, until he comes around and wants to get married, give him an ultimatum marry me or leave, or dump move on with my life, hope that we can be friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 1:36am

Well do you want to get married because your friends are or because you love, admire, and respect him and you

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:05am

After six years, if he's not even open to talking about getting married, it's probably not in his future at all. Getting angry and refusing to talk about it is not a sign that he's even close to ready.

If you can live a life without marriage then continue dating him. If not, well... Six years is long enough to know whether or not you want to eventually marry someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:58pm

Welcome to the board just_agirl,


It would concern me that after six years together that he will not even talk to you about marriage without getting angry. This, to me, isn't a good sign. However, it also seems like you are unsure about whether or not you want to get married.


I think you need to just relax and try to figure out what you really want. Whether it be marriage, staying the same, etc.


Would you be happy if you never got married, but continued to live together as things are now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 4:58pm
If you have been living in the same house with him for four years, you aren't dating.