Marrying someone who's been divorced...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Marrying someone who's been divorced...
1
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 5:36pm
Thank you so much for your site.

I will go straight to the point. I have been seeing my boyfriend, who is quite older than me, for over 1 1/2 years.

He has been divorced and has a 6 year old boy.

We have talked lightly about having more kids, I don't know how seriously. We have also talked lightly about moving in together but he wants to get married first. This is all fine and dandy up to now. I am happy, he is amazing and his boy is also wonderful. If you take out the bagages, this relationship would be perfect...

1. We have NEVER argued.

2. We have always shown appreciation for each other's gestures.

3. We can be really cheezy with each other.

BUT:

We have never made plans to move in together, I feel like I have NO control over this relationship because HIS house would be the one we would be moving in to. Also, the fact that he has a kid makes it even harder for me to voice my opinion: what I want out of this relationship. I sometimes feel like I come second to his son and to his career, which is understandable, but I can't help feeling unimportant when he chooses to work overtime on "our" time ONLY, when we already don't see enough of each other in my opinion.



Am I being selfish? Childish?

I have brought the question once or twice, but was given the impression I wasn't being taken seriously so, I don't bring it up anymore. The more time goes by, the more I feel like I might not get what I want, I might not get it because I can't spell it out. I can't say: "I think we should get married".

And I don't want to nag or complain either because I don't want to sound like the ex-wife.

This is why I was always against dating someone with baguage, but I really REALLY like this guy.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 7:15pm
With or without marriage are you where you want to be? If so, then relax some on the marriage.

As for the time you spend together vs him working OT - that may be his way of squeezing everything into his life.

If this isn't where you want to be, stay, without marriage, then it's time to have a serious discussion about expectations for the future and ask him where he sees the relationship going (there is nothing wrong with you wanting to know this).

My best to you.


Carrie