mate unfaithful?
Find a Conversation
mate unfaithful?
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 8:19pm |
I am a 40 year old woman and I have lived with my boyfriend (he is 49) for 16 years. We have 3 children between us (his:son 30 yrs old, mine:daughter 20 years old, ours:daughter 14 years old and 2 granddaughters by the 2 oldest kids). I have always wanted to get married, he has asked but only while drinking, I feel he should ask when he is not under the influence. At any rate...we have had our normal share of marital problems but within the past 2 years it has gotten worse.
I am peri-menopausal and he has started having erectile problems. Last year he wanted sex a lot, I did not..that casued friction so I sought Dr. advice and got help. All of a sudden my libido was full force and all of a sudden his was not. Anytime I have initiated sex in the past year he always has an excuse for NOT wanting it. So, for the past year, the only time we have sex is if HE initiates it and then he has been drinking when he does want to.
His work requires him to travel a lot so he is gone 4-5 nights a week, (to different cities and states) sometimes longer, depending on the job. When he does get back in town, he goes to bars. Well, he started taking Levitra a few months ago, which helps if we have sex (I have told him there are other ways to be intimate and pleasure one another, he is not interested). A month ago I went on the road with him for a week...he had his Levitra...I was curious, so each morn I would see how many were left...he only took 1 while with me, that was the first night, after that, one pill was gone every morning when I looked after he left for work and needless to say, we did not have anymore sex that week.
When I asked him about it he got very upset and said I had no business looking thru his stuff (even though it was in "our" suitcase). He was so angry about it, I became suspicious. I know he still gets the Levitra because I check the prescription reciepts I have to turn into the insurance for reimbursement (hmm? does he think I am ignorant). Our sex life is back to once every other week. He says he stopped taking them because he does have heart problems and takes Nitro as needed. I just feel like he is cheating on me. When I ask he adamently says NO. But signs point to yes.
There are other signs that he is cheating. I did make the mistake and tip my hand, so he now knows I suspeect.
I am peri-menopausal and he has started having erectile problems. Last year he wanted sex a lot, I did not..that casued friction so I sought Dr. advice and got help. All of a sudden my libido was full force and all of a sudden his was not. Anytime I have initiated sex in the past year he always has an excuse for NOT wanting it. So, for the past year, the only time we have sex is if HE initiates it and then he has been drinking when he does want to.
His work requires him to travel a lot so he is gone 4-5 nights a week, (to different cities and states) sometimes longer, depending on the job. When he does get back in town, he goes to bars. Well, he started taking Levitra a few months ago, which helps if we have sex (I have told him there are other ways to be intimate and pleasure one another, he is not interested). A month ago I went on the road with him for a week...he had his Levitra...I was curious, so each morn I would see how many were left...he only took 1 while with me, that was the first night, after that, one pill was gone every morning when I looked after he left for work and needless to say, we did not have anymore sex that week.
When I asked him about it he got very upset and said I had no business looking thru his stuff (even though it was in "our" suitcase). He was so angry about it, I became suspicious. I know he still gets the Levitra because I check the prescription reciepts I have to turn into the insurance for reimbursement (hmm? does he think I am ignorant). Our sex life is back to once every other week. He says he stopped taking them because he does have heart problems and takes Nitro as needed. I just feel like he is cheating on me. When I ask he adamently says NO. But signs point to yes.
There are other signs that he is cheating. I did make the mistake and tip my hand, so he now knows I suspeect.
I am driving myself crazy over this. I just wish he would be honest. If he is cheating I just want to know..and why? He has always been very sexual...looks at porn mags...I never had a problem with that, sometimes we would even rent porn movies and watch them together. But so much has changed, I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me about it.
Please help with any insight because I am at my wits end and about to lose it.
Thanks, Nadinetn

Just go with your instincts and if you've been having sex, I'd get checked for STD's. Not saying anything about you, it's just you do sleep with him. Don't worry yourself over it, just do what you have to do! It's easier said then done! But just be strong.
I am only 20 yrs. old but I've been through heartaches since I was 16. So I had experiences of being cheated on and I have insecurities now. I'm afraid my boyfriend of 17 mos. is gonna cheat on me, but I have no signs that he has so I have to let him breath. I just begun letting him leave the house for hours at a time. I know that if he doesn't get his space that he's gonna take it and I won't like the way he does get it.
You can e-mail me if ya want. CMooney@adelphia.net I would love to talk.
Good Luck & God Bless!