Maybe mixed signals?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Maybe mixed signals?
3
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 8:55am
A little background, I have been seeing a man for about 10 months. We have been seeing eachother and sleeping with eachother but not in a comitted relationship. He said he didn't want a relationship at the beginning and that was something that I am ok with. We go out on dates, we have sleepovers, we spend about 5 days a week with eachother, and he calls me everyday, even just to check in. Well, about 3 weeks ago he said that this relationship is not going to go anywhere, that I was going to eventually want more and then leave him, so he thinks its best to end it now instead of everyone getting hurt months or years down the road. I told him that it isn't a issue for me, I didn't want or ask for more. He said it is an issue for him. I said ok, and then somehow we still remained talking and seeing eachother. Just to let you know, this is the 3rd time he tried to end it saying he thought it was best we stopped seeing eachother and I deserve better, each time we ended up back together. He always makes this an issue, not me. So he still calls me, calls me while he is at work, on his breaks, right when he leaves work, if I call him he calls me back quickly, we still talk everyday. He stopped kissing me and hugging me and we haven't had sex for a few weeks either. We talk and we see eachother alot too. Sometimes when I go and give him a ride home from work, when I drop him off he just sits there and waits, I say ok I will talk to you later and he says ok and leaves. Sometimes he will lean into me and I will hug him and he will push the cheek of his face close to me for me to kiss him and I do, he also pulls me close to him so I can kiss him on the neck, but no kiss on the lips. So now he is back to hugging me and wanting me to kiss him on the neck or cheek. So, I had a conversation with him and somehow we were talking about me and him calling eachother and I bluntly asked him do you want to hear from me anymore or not? He said I do. Then, I asked if we are going to spend time together and he says yes. I asked if he wanted to and he said he does. So, my question is, what is going on? He says its best if we don't see eachother and talk to eachother anymore but then we still talk everday and see eachother, and he says he wants me to call him and he wants to spend time with me, so which is it? What do you think is going on? Does he want to end it or not? What should I do? Are these mixed signals? I am really confused. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 10:48am

Everything is on his terms. We can't read his mind so listen to his words. Is what he wants equal to what you want; A confused, kissless (is that a word ;) sexless, commitmentless relationship where he calls the shots?


I think you need to be the strong one here and decide that this isn't working and not get back together with him when he calls.


What DO you want in dating/a relationship????


'he thought it was best we stopped seeing eachother and I deserve better,'


Do you agree or are you really o.k. being a doormat and doing everything he wants???

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 11:32am

Obviously this guy has conflict and is most likely afraid of being in a committed relationship, which in his view could be a trap. However, his feelings are obviously strong for you, and you are already in a relationship, which he

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 06-11-2008 - 1:15pm

Welcome to the board milley22222,


While I know mixed signals are a pain, I'm a firm believer in watching to see if words match action. If they don't, then it is YOU that needs to take a stand, set boundaries and enforce them.





angels