Maybe we just need a break? :-/

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Maybe we just need a break? :-/
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 8:08am

Sometimes it just helps to get an impartial 3rd party's opinion, which is why I am here.  I am feeling more and more confused and I don't know what to do.  My boyfriend and I have been together for 7.5 years, living together for 5.  We had a couple of rough patches along the way, but we worked through it and 2 years ago I felt like things were 'perfect.'  We were both comfortable and happy, I wasn't interested in anyone else and I was constantly bringing up marriage & kids.  He kept telling me yes I want to get married, but due to his financial problems (claiming bankruptsy) he doesn't want to get married until he clears it up.  At this point I feel like he is just dragging it along, and perhaps is just so comfortable in our situation that there is no reason for him to get it cleared up anymore. 

At this point, however, I'm not even sure I want to marry him anymore.  I feel aggrivated ALL of the time when I am around him.  Things that were cute & funny 7.5 years ago (when I was a senior in college) just aren't funny anymore.  I'm not attracted to him at all.  I find myself fantasizing about other men all of the time.  I feel like I resent him for constantly having these money troubles when I am financially stable.  I don't always feel like he is so happy, either, and sometimes he acts so happy that it feels forced.

I just don't know what I want anymore.  Could it be that we just need a little time apart, to figure out what we want?  Or should I just say I'm done & break it off?  These are the questions I keep asking myself.  I'm turning 30 soon, and I feel like time is running out for me to make a decision here (I do want kids, & my 35 year old sister has been having trouble getting pregnant, even though she was pregnant at 23, so I think it is the age).  I feel like if I ask him for some kind of 'space' or a 'break' to figure things out, & then I realize I do want to be with him, just the fact that we took a break could ruin things.  I don't know.  I'm not used to this...I've only had 1 other boyfriend in my life & we weren't together that long.  Please tell me your thoughts :/

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 2:52pm
You began dating when you were relatively young. Now after 7 years, you have changed along the way, and he hasn't. You are moving forward, and want to keep moving, but he is stuck. Your paths have been diverging for a while and now finally they are split enough that you are unable to ignore it anymore. The thoughts and feelings you are expressing about him are not ones that anyone should have when considering marriage. Do not let any ideas of arbitrary time tables make you rush to any actions regarding marriage, it can wait. Take a look around at the wreckage of failed marriages far and wide.

Personally I think your relationship has run its course. Don't fret too much about being the one to instigate a break up, for all you know it may be what he is feeling also, but cannot bring himself to say anything.