for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
for me?
8
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:26am

I have been seeing this guy casually since last semester, and only pretty seriously this semester in college. I am about to grad college and leave to another city 3 hours away, but he says he will visit me every weekend. We are in love. I thk hes great and i have fun with him but there r a few problems. First of all, he isnt really "my type." mY family is shocked im with him. He is overweight but is trying to lose weight because I told him he would look so much better. I fid myself nagging him to eat right foods and im turning into like his mother..i get so upset when I see him sneak in a cookie..anyway, hes trying to lose weight.

Second of all, he was raised differently from me. i was raised in wealth and was taught extreme manners. Last night when we went to dinner with his family and grandma..and usually when we go out..his manners arnt the best..and i like manners and eating right. Last night, his mom asked his size shoe and he took it off at this fish restaurant and passed it to her over the table! I was appalled. Also, no matter how many times i have tried to show him...not to eat with his fingers, tell him to use a knife, and not pick up food out of the container with his hand, he seems to keep doing it. After I tell him he says he will try and change and im important to hi, but we just seem to be of different class backgrounds.

Since I am used to wealth, I do care about going out places and affordig things..and even though he is 23, his job isnt special and he cant take me to get what im used to for now...maybe in the future he will make more, but for now..I am not as happy going cheaper places and ot being able to spend like how i do when he pays for me on a date.

Moreover, we have been fighting about hygeine. He showers in the morning at 9 am ad when i see him like at 6 and at night, he says he doesnt wana shower bc hes clan and he has been sittig at his desk all day. thats gross to me. f i am gonna be getting close to him, i dont wanna smell bad parts. i told him and we had a whole fight on friday and he eventually showered. I have been open to him changing..as I am used to certain things and exepct it.I love him..and i know he can try and change these things. I just have recently moved into his family's house and see him everyday until I move cities..and the magic is starting to diminish a bit..the magic we had a few months ago. its getting a bit stressful and im getting a little tempted to see what else is out there in the city i am moving to..I am only 22 afterall. He is nice and sweet but maybe he isnt for me....he doesnt have great manners..and isnt used to things like i am..and he doesnt even wanna shower until i fight with him. we might be going on a trip for a week this month, and his parents are giving him half the money and like he says i shjould get money too bc he cant pay for my dinners and stuff on our vacation. I am just used to the guy paying and i want fancy things..yes i love him but what do i do..can this work? I am not shallow..its just something i want..and i want a lifestyle i grew up with. Can he change or should i look further? I love him though but all these things are starting to bother me now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:58am
Wow..there are so many things wrong with this post I can't even count them all. Why are you with this guy? There is nothing you like about him. He's too poor, too fat,too rude and he doesn't shower enough for you. First off, showering once a day is all most people do unless they actually get dirty so unless he has a b.o problem I don't see the real issue here. Second, most people are not wealthy and his main goal in life should not be to please you with his job choice or to support you in grand style. If you want wealth, heres a tip: Go earn it yourself or marry someone of equal socio economic status. Third, if you want someone who is in shape then date someone in shape. Do not pick someone because maybe they have potential in your eyes and then nag and berate them about everything they put in their mouth. Yes, the shoe thing was dumb and I understand the embarrassment but get over it..it's a very small thing in the grand scheme of life. As for you being above the places he takes you..why heres a thought! Why don't you pay once in a while. Then you can pick where to go. Please do this poor guy a favor...leave him so he can find someone who will actually value him and not be disgusted by everything he does. This is not love even though you think it is. Your behavior is immature even for a 14 year old, never mind a 22 year old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 10:31am

I was raised in wealth as well, and my parents taught me above all to treat other people with kindness and respect no matter how "low" they are compared to you. So I'm not sure what part of the world you are from where you think it is a signature of a wealthy background to create snotty rules for those you accept into your life.

It sounds as though you are fishing in the wrong pool if he does not exhibit the traits you want in a man. And yes, you do sound extremely shallow. Please do him a favor and let him find someone who loves him for who he is, not who she wants to mold him into. There is obviously nothing you like about him and even someone with your prerequisites deserves to be happy, I suppose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 10:51am

"I have been open to him changing.."


Why not be open to accepting him as he is????


Don't expect a 23 year old guy to perfect his manners and earn a lot of money. He is fine. If you don't like anything about him then find a guy who is a better match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 11:48am

Welcome to the board tunatartar,


Sounds like you just aren't right for each other. You should love him for who he is and not always be trying to change him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 12:02pm

You need to find someone closer to your social status

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 5:20pm

"I love him though"


No, you don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 12:58am

Hi tunatartar,


Is this post about the same guy: Money is breaking us

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 1:56am

Eggbert, you've just restored my faith.


I used to work in a school which was based in a wealthy area.