Me v. Work

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Me v. Work
3
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 3:56pm

Hi there,


I'm hoping you can help me with my relationship problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: ggb4
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 5:06pm

Welcome to the board ggb4,


I think his actions are speaking for themselves. But, in his defense maybe he really does think that if he doesn't put in all those hours that he will be fired. You have to decide if the relationship if working for you (which it isn't at the moment) and if you are willing to want and see if he makes any changes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: ggb4
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 6:21pm

Here are things you have to consider that you will NOT be able to change:
a) you will not be able to convince him to leave his job
b) you will not be able to make him cut back on his work hours
c) you will not be able to change his work responsibilities

I know what it's like to come home late, I'm attached to my blackberry as well. Do I love it? Not really. But that's what I have to do, because this job is worth it to me and because I want to build up a lot of money to support myself on. So I understand what your boyfriend is going through. I've also been where you are, depressed every night when I came home and made dinner for myself only. Even my father got up at 5am and got home at midnight or later when he had a client.

Your guy NEEDS to have a woman who is understanding of his work situation - maybe he needs to date another workaholic like himself. I wish I had a better answer for you, but his life is what it is, and it probably won't ever change.

"but now that I'm here, I expect that he try to cut back on working a bit so that we can have a real relationship and spend quality time together. "
That's certainly NOT a realistic expectation.

I don't think your problem is that he doesn't know how to be in a relationship, it's that a relationship isn't a priority to him. You should find someone who is more compatible with you and has more time to spare for a relationship. Stick with this guy and your needs will never be met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: ggb4
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 7:00pm
At this point it is really clear that he will not change his work schedule and has no desire to. So you control what you can; yourself. Do you want to be in this frustrating, part-time relationship or not?