Me vs. his ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Me vs. his ex
11
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:13pm

Hello everyone,


I have a question about my relationship, I guess what I want to know is where is my place in this relationship, let me explain. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7yrs. now and he is divorced with two kids, I have no kids of my own. Well recently his son joined the baseball team and as you all know with that comes going to practices and having games, well with that said, he never once invited me to watch him play or anything and now hes playing football and to that I've only been to two games and it's only because I kind of invited myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:55pm

Welcome to the board monkeygirlgoddess,


Do you live together? I ask because I don't understand why you would have to be invited to go to his son's game. I would think after 7 years together that it would be a given that you would go.


How old are his children?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:58pm

Welcome to the board monkeygirlgoddess,


Wow, after 7 yrs and you are still left out of holiday get togethers and the kid's sports?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 5:21pm
Well I guess I should have added a little more history. Well the thing is that we use to live together but we ended up breaking up and he moved out. Then we ended up getting back together but he remained living elsewhere he said that it might help our relationship if we don't live together for awhile. Hes been divorced for about 5yrs. and his children's ages are 9 and 7yrs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 5:39pm

Since living apart has the relationship improved?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 5:47pm

Did your relationship start as an affair, or was he at least separated from his wife when he started seeing you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 6:46pm

IMO, it is appropriate for him to make arrangements with his ex for things like trick or treating.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 9:23pm

If it helps, he didn't make these plans to be with his ex wife. He made them to be with his kid.

I think the choice is up to you whether or not you can deal with this. Honestly I don't find it to be a big deal at all. His kid will, and should, always come first - even before a seven year relationship. He made the best decision he could for the one person in his life who truly needs him. If you're committed to being with a man who has a child from a previous marriage then you HAVE to learn to get along with his ex and not feel slighted if he makes a decision for his kid and not for you.

About you not being invited... I think he's right. Judging just from your post, can you honestly say you would have felt comfortable? I doubt it.

Really I do understand the way you feel but I think you need to take these events with your head held high.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:32am
Hey there.. hope I can help a bit... I do not think it was right of him to invite her and not you. I mean I can understand that he wants his kids to get to experience trick or treating with both mommy and daddy, but in that case you shouldve gone too. Either that or they make plans to switch off years of who has the kids on the holidays. I too am in or was in a relationship (its complicated) with a man with a 3 year old and an ex wife. She lives in SC and us in TX but we took her trick or treating this year and she had her last year. Granted they are far apart living wise, but I wouldve never let this happen... I think you should stand up for yourself and tell him that if he wants you in his life, especially after such a long time, that you should be apart of his childrens lives too. Its just not right.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:43pm

I can see both point of views here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 3:16pm

Hello everyone,


To answer some of your questions, yes I do get along with his children very well, eventhough they're both mamas boys they still

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