Men and Anger
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Men and Anger
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:30am |
In general,do men handle anger differently than women or is just an individual thing? My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 3. We have many problems in our marriage and lately, things are getting much worse. My husband does not seem to be able to control himself very well anymore. Just within the last few days, during an argument, he has started kicking toys, slamming doors, etc. Yesterday, I was walking out of our bedroom (holding our 1 year old) with him behind me and he tells me to get out of his way - he reaches over me, slams the door open and shoves past me, kicking a toy out of the way. A few years ago he punched a hole in the wall and threw a phone at the wall. Aside from grabbing me and pulling me in the door once he has never laid a hand on me or my children (3 yrs & 1 yr) Is this just "a guy thing"? I don't mean to sound naive, I've dated other men and not seen this behavior, but I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide whether to stay or go. This type of behavior isn't what I want to tolerate and isn't what I want our children to see. What is your opinion?
L.
L.

He may be hiding a lot of "pain and hurt". Has anything been going on with him at work, or with his family? Has expressed something is wrong? When he is upset, how does he usually show it? Does he talk to you or just throw things around?
If trying to talk to him and find out what's bothering him, I would suggest you both get Counseling.
I've been reading a very good book, "Getting Over Getting Mad" by Judy Ford. This books explains ways to handle our anger in our relationships. It has helped me learn so much about myself.
I wish you the best. I hope things improve with you and your Husband. I don't think you should give up on your Marriage just yet.
He needs it. He's very hostile AND scary if he's shoving past you when you have baby in your arms.
Carrie
Please encourage your husband to speak to his doctor about his anger. It could be a a chemical imbalance or depression that is causing him to act this way. My husband has a history of depression in his family, and when he gets overwhelmed by circumstances of life, he has been known to show his anger in a more violent way than I would prefer (he has never raised a hand to me, but IMO that doesn't matter. It is still violent behavior, even if it is directed to an inanimate object.) We have experienced a lot of change in the past 2 1/2 years, and it has only been since those changes that he has had a problem with his anger.
He spoke with our family doctor about his anger problems, and he was referred to a licensed therapist. His psychiatrist has him on a low dosage anti-depressant that assists him in controlling his emotions. It took a while for the medication to get into his system, but there is a definite difference in his overall demeanor now. The circumstances of our lives have not changed, but his ability to manage it has. In our case, anger management classes *would not* have been enough.
Please encourage him to speak with a medical professional about this issue. If not for his sake, for the sake of yourself and your children. No one should have to live in fear, and he should not have to live in misery.
Best wishes to you.
DCB