Men and porn
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Men and porn
| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:52am |
I just need advice, explanations, information and answers to why men need to view porn videos, dirty magazines etc. I know that men are more visual but is something else lacking? Is this normal for a man in a stable marriage? I do not believe he is having an affair or anything, but I found so many pornographic pictures saved on our computer. It just made me sick to my stomach. We have sex 1-2 times per week. No, it's not on a pornographic scale, so maybe we need to change that, but it's not like he is always asking for sex and never getting it because I have always felt our sex life was good.
I guess I mainly want to know if it's normal and do a lot of married men do this.

Welcome to the board momwomangirl,
First off men don't "need" porn. Most of them just enjoy looking at it.
My opinion has always been that porn is okay as long as it isn't affecting a person's sex life or regular life in any way.
If your husband looking at porn is upsetting to you, than talk to him about it and ask him why he looks at it.
glitter-graphics.com
Let's be really clear here for a moment. Porn is fantasy.
When men look at porn we know 3 key things:
1 - It's not real.
2 - We're not involved in the scene nor will be.
3 - Never compare the image to our SO.
Fantasies can originate from many different things. For instance, have you ever read a novel with s steamy section and had your mind wander? It's essentially the same thing except there are no pictures.
Fantasies are OK as long as they don't interfere with normal every day life.
First, no one "needs" porn. By the same token, most guys enjoy porn. Starting from this point, a series of comments:
1. Just because he is looking at porn doesn't mean anything is "lacking". Guys like to look. We look when we're walking down the street, too.
2. Why does it make you "sick to my stomach"? A common mistake most women make is to assume he's comparing you to them. He's not. Let's be honest here - most guys don't want a porn star for a wife. It is eye candy pure and simple.
3. Yes, most married guys look at porn. As long as it isn't interfering with anything else, you know what? It isn't and shouldn't be an issue. It's a diversion, just like anything else from gardening to surfing the net to playing pinochle.
Many women tend to the equation "porn = he doesn't love me". Nope. There's no love involved in porn. Some women tend to forget that, at least for most guys, sex and love are at best overlapping sets - they aren't the same thing.
Don't let it bother you. Or if it does bother you, have so much sex with him that he doesn't have time to look at porn... LOL
I disagree with some of these posts. While yes, I think it's normal that every red-blooded man enjoys looking at naked women, the Q is are you okay with your H doing that in your M? He may just have some fantasies, but your post indicates you don't like him looking at porn. You shouldn't apologize for not liking it--many women don't because it makes them feel cheap and degrading.
You need to ask your H about his porn habit and figure out if you can accept it as part of your marriage. Some people feel looking at porn is cheating; others feel as long as it doesn't interfere with the M, then it's ok. The bottom line: what is okay with you?
I think lot of married men look at it without their wives knowing. Some of these men probably know the difference between fantasy and reality, but it's not always harmless--some men unfortunately blur the lines and do eventually cheat (see Dr Phil and the other message boards on this website). I'm not saying at all your H is cheating on you. But what I am saying is there is nothing wrong for a wife to ask her H to be committed and respect the M to not look at porn. You'll have to discuss it with your H to figure out what is right for your M.
the idea of my boyfriend touching himself over another woman infuriates me.
how could he do that to me?
The thing about it is that I cannot control what he does. I love him. Plus, our culture has spoken: men like porn. I'm not okay with it, but I permit it.
The way I see it is if I am not able to accept cultural norms, such as men watching pornogrpaphy, I might as well not date from a culture that accepts that norm. It's something we have to put up with, and honestly, I'd rather my boyfriend be open about his pornography habits, then keep them secret. He shouldn't have to be ashamed of his sexual desires. And in the end, I love him for it all the more.
(A positive to my boyfriend watching porn is that he's such a pervert because of it, which leads to much fun in the bedroom...heehee)