men, decisions and emotions

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
men, decisions and emotions
2
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:40pm
Hi I have a general question...why is it that men find it sooooo hard to say I WANT THIS. About anything.

I have been with my boyfriend for manny years and we are planning on getting married soon, yet what seems to be bothering me latly is his inability to make decisions or say what he wants. For example if he want me to go over to his house, he won´t say: can you come over? He just hints around the thing, and then says: "so, how do you wanna do it? " So I end up saying: "do you want me to come over" and he´ll respond. "Of course! taht it..if you want to". UGH. It´s exasperating! And when I said (right now) "Of course I want ot come over, but I just want to hear you say it" (he has to babysit his niece) He replys "but there is nothing to do, I don´t want you to get bored".

The thing is, I have the feeling that he never says things like "I want" becasue he doesn´t want to get involved in a decision. Do I make sense?

I'm not even sure WHAT I am writting, or what exactly it is that I want to ask....I just want him to act more agressive and not so passive..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 3:57pm
His passivity isn't an "act".

He just goes with the flow and whatever opportunities come along that sound good at the time - he avails hiimself of them.

What upsets you is that you can't get out of him specifically "yes, come over, I want to see you and can hardly wait" - you want to be that desired - and from a passive person who's just ging with the best opportunity of the moment - you're never going to hear that out of them.

You're an offer of the moment...but they're entertaining other offers, too (don't take that to mean he's seeing other women, or entertaining other offers from them).

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 4:36pm
Actually you are not asking a "general question" because this applies to your man, and not ALL men. Generally speaking, there are plenty of men who have no trouble voicing what they want. There are also men who can communicate and discuss topics such as feelings and the state of the relationship.

Your bf doesn't sound like one of them, however. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants or maybe he doesn't feel strongly enough about it on a consistent basis to have an opinion one way or the other. Not good, when it comes to you or your relationship IMO. He's pretty up in the air about things and *why* he's like that is irrelevant. The fact is, he IS like that. So....take him or leave him AS IS. If this isn't the type of relationship or the type of man you're looking for, look elsewhere. Good luck.