A miser? Or just selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
A miser? Or just selfish?
52
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 11:46am

Hello,


I have an embarassing problem I can't turn anywhere else for help.


My boyfriend of almost four years appears to have extreme problems with spending any money at all on me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 11:56am
Hi There..I dont know if I should say this..but maybe hes married?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:14pm

Yeah he's a miser. Selfish, rude, clueless, inconsiderate. He doesn't make you pay for HIS dinner every time, does he?!

You probably won't be able to make him change if this is the way he treats his own life. It might help however to ask him to read Five Love Languages with you, by Gary Chapman, so he can understand how important generosity is to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:30pm

You're not being unreasonable to want a partner who is more generous, but you're being unreasonable if you think THIS guy is going to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:32pm

Welcome to the board differentbutsame,


Sorry I don't think it's a shallow reason to break off the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 1:02pm

All,


Thank you for such prompt and wise responses!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 1:50pm
Instead of ignoring the check and hoping he will take the hint, you might want to try being direct with humor - kind of laughing - 'hey, I do believe it's your turn to pick up the check....I'll meet you at the door/car, or excuse me while I go to the ladies room."
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:06pm

Carrie,


Those are excellent suggestions, and I'm sure they would work - at least in terms of getting the check paid.


But, I guess what really bothers me is that he just doesn't WANT to pay for anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:09pm
After your recent elaborations, I'm inclined to say this guy is just a cheapskate and has no intention of changing. If generosity is important to you at all, start packing! I would be, there is nothing wrong with leaving someone who has NO interest in communicating on your level.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:24pm

LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 2:47pm
There's no point in telling him why you're breaking up with him, so don't worry about that.

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