A miser? Or just selfish?
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A miser? Or just selfish?
| Wed, 09-03-2008 - 11:46am |
Hello,
I have an embarassing problem I can't turn anywhere else for help.
My boyfriend of almost four years appears to have extreme problems with spending any money at all on me.

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I think "we are too different" covers a multitude of sins and would suffice.
However, I don't think you should assume he's doing it because he has no respect for you or whatever.
Sheri,
You say:
It's pretty common for people
Have you tried asking him directly why he treats you differently?
Yes, this and many other things related to this.
I don't think this is necessarily a lack of respect.
Ugh, how frustrating!
Thanks, your words are helpful.
Thought I'd jump in on this one.
You shouldn't worry about how you'll appear to him if this is a deal-breaker for you. I'd go with the always-safe preface of: "I am in no way saying your behavior is wrong by any means. It is perfectly acceptable for you, and rather than repeatedly try and change you, I think this difference is just one that can't be overcome." There is nothing wrong in saying something (anything!) is a deal-breaker for you. It is what it is. Just make sure he knows it isn't a flaw (even though I think it is. Shh...), but it really, really, reeeaaally bothers you. And honestly, if my boyfriend was smart enough to give gifts to his secretary but not to me, and excused himself every time the check came after dinner, I wouldn't think for two seconds that it would be I who appeared as selfish or clueless.
And like was previously suggested, you don't even need to get into specifics. All you have to say is, "It just isn't working out." Part amicably. Gifts are one thing, but never even paying for a meal? That's outrageous.
Whether he should be labelled "cheap" or a "miser" at this point is irrelevant.
All,
I feel so much better getting feedback on this.
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