A miser? Or just selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
A miser? Or just selfish?
52
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 11:46am

Hello,


I have an embarassing problem I can't turn anywhere else for help.


My boyfriend of almost four years appears to have extreme problems with spending any money at all on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 1:25pm

<< Any suggestions? >>


Yes, dump the loser!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 1:31pm

Ah, finally an answer!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 8:30pm

<< Second answer (after some gentle probing):

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 2:06am

>>

No. You cannot possibly believe that he lets you pay for dinner EVERY TIME because if he did pick up the check, he would "feel too close to you." Liar. Jerk. Cheap lying jerk.

Obviously, I am now all for dumping him. Even if there was any truth to his reason, as the other posters have pointed out, is that what you're going to settle for? A guy who doesn't give you any gifts, lets you pay for him 100% of the time, and on top of that, doesn't even want to be close to you? Ew.

Edited to fix a grammar mistake. It was bothering me!




Edited 9/8/2008 2:07 am ET by orwellian
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 11:19am

Hi differentbutsame,

Money is always a very sensitive issue in relationships. Since you are writing about his behavior around money it is very much bothering you. How people feel about money is usually instilled in them from when they were young. People tend to feel and think about money the same way their families did. If he is successful and able to pay the first question I have is why doesn't he? Perhaps he grew up poor and has a lot of anxiety around money. Another question would be Is he indeed as successful as he claims to be? Have you told him this bothers you and that you would like him to share expenses with you? Would he leave you just because you want him to pay his way?

All of his actions around money are making you feel like he doesn't really care about you. I think any woman would feel this way. These feelings will not go away on their own. Does he validate your feelings when you tell him how hurt you were that he did not buy you a birthday or Christmas present? Have you been to his home? I can understand why others on the board think he may be married and hiding the expenses from his wife. Are you able to be open and honest with him? Where do you see this relationship going? Does he see it going in the same direction? These questions are just some food for thought.

All the best,
Donna
http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net

Donna Deming, Life Coach http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net/blog/
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 11:59am

Orwellian,


"Liar. Jerk. Cheap lying jerk. "


Yup, that pretty much sums up what I thought about it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 3:50pm

Absolutely hang around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 4:20pm

Congratulations!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 9:10pm

All,


Thanks for the help...and the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 12:26am
Soooo happy for you! Please do hang around!