Mismatched libidos
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 4:59pm |
My BF and I have been together for over 5 years, and after the 1st 6 months, I realized that our mismatched libidos were beginning to be a problem in the relationship. I have always had a very high libido---I can be happy with sex everyday, and I would be alright with having it 3-4 times per week. My BF matched my high libido at the beginning of our relationship, but he's been slowly moving downward. Although its better now, there was a point in time where we went for almost 6 months without sex- his decision. He says that he had sex so often in the beginning of the relationship because he thought that's what made me happy. Now, he frequently rejects me when I initiate, saying that he's not in the mood. We have sex about 4-6 times per month. I have expressed my dissatisfaction several times, and he gets upset over this and asks why I am being so selfish and not caring about his feelings. I have suggested buying a vibrator to fill my unsatsified needs, however he refuses to let me saying that he believe its cheating (because of the penetration). I am not getting my needs met sexually, and he's frustrated at the fact that I am being "selfish" and claims that this is the only thing I care about in the relationship. We have a very loving relationship otherwise, however we argue too much (mostly over this). I would really like someone's opinion on this. I'm confused about what else I could do?
In addition, we are both in our early/mid 20's. He has told me that his libido won't change and that if he doesn't satisfy my needs and I can't deal with it, then I should find someone else. I don't know whether he means it, though.
Edited 4/30/2007 5:23 pm ET by dyavil

Welcome to the board dyavil,
I see no reason why you can't get
glitter-graphics.com
Hi dyavil,
You are not selfish to want sex more than 4-6 times a month.
Hi dyavil,
I hope this doesn't offend you, but I just had to laugh when read that he thinks using a vibrator is cheating...that has to be the most ridiculous idea of cheating I've ever heard. Besides, you can have a vibrator that doesn't penetrate, if you so choose. You shouldn't be ashamed for wanting sex more often, and technically, if he were being understanding of your feelings, he wouldn't need to be ashamed of not wanting sex very often. The difficulty is, in your relationship, he doesn't seem to want to compromise or work with you to help both of you be happy. He's not considerate of your feelings and calls you "selfish", when by refusing to talk about it with you and negotiate HE is being selfish. Perhaps, as a previous poster said, there is something going on with him -- perhaps he has some anxiety or stress in his life that has caused his libido to diminish. If he wants you to stay, he should go see a doctor or a therapist and try to work through whatever issues he is currently dealing with. If he continues to refuse then, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make him cooperate. He may just not be the guy for you. Good luck, and please keep us posted!