misunderstanding..how to get it back

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
misunderstanding..how to get it back
2
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 9:47am
Morning,

I have used this site often and have found all the ideas really helpful in the past.

So any suggestions for my problem would be great!

I had this huge fight with my bf, where I said something he misunderstood, I didn't mean to hurt him at least not consiously. He believed I said he was impotent and now he is deeply hurt, which I can understand very well. I honestly did not mean to say something like that. I asked if we can mend this, he said he doesn't know as he is unsure if he can intimate with me again. He also said he would not look at me to give me the satisfaction that I hurt him. I think this is crazy. I have my issues, sure but this is outrageous. We have had problems in relation to sex for some time. I want it more than he does, but the problem isn't his libido, it is his self-esteem and I feel he does nothing to increase it. I tell him often how attracted I am to him, and I desire him, which leads into fights because I find him so attractive and I am often rejected. My question is...has anyone experienced something like this or is there anything I can do. I preparing that he will break up with me, but who knows!

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:25am
'I asked if we can mend this, he said he doesn't know as he is unsure if he can intimate with me again. '

I wonder if he doesn't want to be intimate and is using what you said as an excuse. Finding blame instead of getting help and exaggerating his reaction to it.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:39am
Thanks for you input, you might be on to something. I wish he would get help, I can see where a lot of this comes from (his mom) but I can't fix it. It took me over a year to realize that I can't help him. I know in the last 3 months he has tried to be more intimate and I kept pushing him to be more. He even said to me, you want me to be something I am not, but that doesn't mean I won't compromoise. It is so hard to hear that he had sex when he was younger like 5 times a day, and with me I barely get it once a week, he is 26, I would think he is at his prime. I don't know anymore, this was a man I thought I would leave the state for and now I am really wondering how can we make this work. I am in therapy for over a year, and I know I have done my fair share of things to him like emotional abuse but I am now more aware of it and I am trying.