Mixed Messages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
Mixed Messages
3
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:40pm

I'll try and keep this simple but it's rather complicated.

My g/f of 3.5 years and I broke up in late February. I didn't have a whole lot of positive contact with her for a few weeks and then last week she called me crying saying that she loved and missed me. It turns out she had been living with another guy (after only a couple weeks). She came over and we slept over at each other's places 3 of 4 nights. When she came back she seemed really serious about us although she didn't want to get right back together. Then a couple days ago something seemed to "click" with her and she has been so distant from me. She says that she needs to find herself and isnt ready for marriage (which is a HUGE departure from even a couple days ago). She has been going through some tough times but she sends me so many fixed messages it is brutal. I still love her and want to be with her. Now she is back to ignoring me and pushing me away. She has new friends and she seems to be content to block me out of her life. I don't know if she's found yet another guy or what but these ups and downs are hell. I can't put her out of my mind and it just seems to get worse and worse. Any advice would be really appreciated. I dunno if I need to resolve myself to move on or if there is hope. I don't understand how she broke up with her rebound boyfriend because she still loved me only to push me away after a week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: bradbj4
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 10:36pm

Welcome to the board bradbj4,


Sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: bradbj4
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 5:43pm

It sounds like she is confused and doesn't know what she wants out of life. She needs to take some time to discover who she is and want will make her happy. I agree with Carrie. If she decides she wants to stay in the relationship ask her to go to couples counseling with you.


Good luck.


myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
In reply to: bradbj4
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 7:25pm

thank you for the responses.

I think you two are right, she does need some time to find herself and her identity. I honestly could give her time to be independent and figure out her life but she tends to just jump to other guys. She said she just needed time and space before but started dating immediately. I wish I could just trust that if I gave her some time to learn about herself and what makes her happy I could be confident that once she figured some stuff out then she'd give me another chance. What do you think I can do to make myself for appealing in her eyes? I feel like there is a fine line between showing her that I love her and can be mature and give her space but if I'm too expressive she will forget about me. But if I don't show her enough she'll think I don't care. Thanks again for any tips.