Momma's boy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Momma's boy
5
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 4:47pm

I have been with my BF for 8 months. We started off as friends during which time we had great conversations, laughed a lot (similar sense of humor) and cared very much about one another. We had a talk about 'where do we go now?" and decided to start dating. It was wonderful to be with someone who was so caring and thoughtful and a good friend - my best friend.

Then, I went home to meet his family, 5 hrs from where we live. He is a full on momma's boy - her opinion and happiness are paramount, and she didn't care for me. I am older than her dear son he's 26 and I'm 33.

Since I met his parents and siblings (who are all super close, kind of like the Waltons), things have gotten rocky. He goes home a lot to see them, or has them visit here. So weekends for us to do things as a couple have been pretty much eliminated. He has invited me to go with him, but the scheduled activities are watching TV with people that don't much care for me.

I don't know what happened to the guy that I used to go out and have fun with, go on adventures with, laugh with and talk to. It's like he's been abducted by aliens. I am really sad about losing him, but do not see a future in this relationship. He doesn't seem as though he wants a relationship with me, he wants me to join him and his family. A family that I do not fit into.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 8:34pm

"I have been with my BF for 8 months."
"I don't know what happened to the guy that I used to go out and have fun with, go on adventures with, laugh with and talk to."
Well... That guy's name was "First Impression". It's always difficult when something that started out so well turns sour, but sadly that is just how most relationships go and it's an important thing to recognize. It helps a lot to keep an open mind when you first start dating, and to remember that nothing is out of "character" for someone whose real character you only get to truly know later on.

I don't know if this guy is truly that much of a momma's boy considering that his mother doesn't like you and yet he's still dating you, trying to acclimate you to his family. Still, if you know that this situation is wrong for you, you're making the right decision to extract yourself from it. Obviously family is important to him and he shouldn't have to choose between you. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 8:57pm

I say momma's boy because his mother has made rude remarks about me in front of me and him ("well you wouldn't know about the importance of family since you're divorced." I was married in my early 20's briefly to a serial cheater and divorced. And, "my son has slept at your house? I guess no one taught you good morals.") When I asked him about those hurtful remarks he said that she's just like that and that everyone accepts it. He excuses her rude behavior and consults her about major life decisions. When I visited his home with him, I learned that he would be moving home (5 hours from me) to take a job and be closer to them - learned that when momma said something about it. Later, I was invited by him to move, but my home is here.

I don't want him to have to choose either which is why I am going to say goodbye. It's a nice family, we're just not a good fit (me and the family).

I'm sorry I had to go through it too, but I learned a lot in this relationship.

Sadly, I wish we had just stayed friends, then there would be no goodbye.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 9:48pm
It seems that he is very permeable - like he is easily influenced by whomever he spends a lot of time around so dating someone like that will tend to leave a woman uneasy.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 9:48pm

If he is so entrenched in his family you'll be marrying the family as well as him. Unfortunately, he hasn't individuated, separated sufficently to create a new life of his own. And, just sitting and watching TV with a family seems to be quite limiting. It seems he was able to be himself for awhile, but those old family ties and attachments have not yet been sufficiently broken and transformed for him to be available for a healthy relationship with you. Move on and find someone who is ready for love.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 12:52pm

Welcome to the board olivia7381,


Not all young adults are willing to cut the apron strings and live their own lives.