Money is breaking us

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Money is breaking us
4
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 1:07pm

Hi everyone. I have been dating this amazing guy for about 3 months. He treats me sooo well. He is romantic..fowers...massages..i feel like a princess. There is just one problem. He is 24 and is going to be starting a teaching profession in about a month or two. We went out in college and its now summer. I didn't realize in college that he really didn't have money...he had like two small jobs and took classes to get his teaching degree. I guess I didn't notice the money issue because he took me out so often and to nice places..I guess he was using all the money he was getting from his jobs and spending it all on me. I think the school paid for his housing area too..so thats scratched out so he didnt have to pay that and had more money for us to enjoy. Now we are both living in a main city for the summer (him for good, and me for the summer..I will be moving here next yr after my last yr of collge) I will b going back to school and hes living in his family's place till he gets some kind of house.

He hasn't worked for a few weeks because his job starts soon..but he has like no money now because he isnt working and can't really take me out...does that say a lot if he doesnt save ever...he has like no money..no money for the future im assuming then....
...it feels wierd..and i come from a family that values nice things and nice restaurants and it feels wierd not going out..I like going out to nice places like before and with him....he takes me to ehh dive bars.... and I like being cared for..but all he can do is movies now or not much..walks in the park..he dosesnt know it bothers me and i can never tell him this money issue..its too personal and hurtful. I recently told him I need a break and he has no idea why. The truth is....I want a guy with money or a future that has some potential with money. I can see the road in the future with him and my kids wont have a good life..or me either unless I get a great job..I guess Im old fashioned but I want to live and have a great lifestyle and feel supported...I am in love with him and it kills me not to see him..but my family and I kind of think that a teacher....a teacher with no money isnt good...

Should I stay with him now in the summer and c how it goes because I love him and im going to school next year anyway...or should i end it for good because I like nice things, nice dates and want money in my future...His family wont help him out either.his mother is very poor and he never met his dad...his friends are dirt poor and are not the best class or status..and have dfferent values..but he is AMAZING....I love him.

.so when he starts working..as a teacher where will he even live and afford a house? I guess we are diff ..we have diff backgrounds and social classes...but I love him..should I end it for good and continue this break or should I just wait and hope something changes and tough it out? I have 2 months of summer..but I like nice things..nice vacations..nice restaurants..I wanta guy who can take care of me....I'm 21...Should I enjoy my summer with him or try and find someone else the whole summer...but what do I do. I'm in love but in pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:31pm
Hi. Please go to the library and read these two books. ( or a bookstore because they are relatively new) One is Prince Charming Isn't Coming and the other is The Feminine Mistake. I think you need to read these because your idea of being taken care of is a great idea ( who doesn't dream of that!!!) but in reality it doesn't always happen to work out like that. Even if you do find a great guy who will take care of you, so many things can happen..he can lose his great job, go off with another lady, get sick, get into an accident or whatever and you end up without money and possibly with a family to support if you go that route. I think you need to sort stuff out and these books will make you think about some ideas that you may never have thought about. I think you need to look deeper into a relationship than just money and someone to take care of you. Good reads... Hugs Rifka
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 6:31pm

I've read a number of your posts over the years - and your expecations of a man are quite extroadinary. To be honest, I doubt you'll ever find a man who will satisfy you without some changes on your part.

I find it very sad that you overlook that he's taking on a noble profession and instead criticise him for lack of earning potential. If this is "love", I want no part of it.

Perhaps you are as beautiful, slim and poised as a supermodel. And with these assets you just may be able to hook a very rich man who wants a trophy wife/princess. Though, you will have to accept that he may not love or respect you. Or he may be a workaholic. Or he may dictate your every move, as is the right of a man with a trophy wife.

However, if you are an ordinary woman like the rest of us, you may have to adjust your wishes and accept an ordinary man. An ordinary man who is loving and caring and who chooses a noble profession....but who may not be able to keep you as a princess.

And if you want to go to all these fancy places and he can't afford to treat you....get a well paying job and pay for yourself!!!!!




Edited 6/23/2007 7:37 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:25pm

All right, Tuna. In the past I've read your posts about boyfriends being cheap or boyfriends being clueless, and I've stood up for you, but I'm done now.

You claim to love this man, but what you are concerned about is being wined and dined when you know he doesn't have any money. Yes, I believe that you should do this man the favor of breaking up with him so he can have an opportunity to find a woman who will love him for his good qualities, not denigrate him for not having saved enough from the pittance he had during college to take you out on the town this summer.

The word I kept thinking of as I read I read your post was "spoiled"--like Paris Hilton, and look where she is now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 11:28pm

You need to break up with him. He needs to find someone who will appreciate all the great stuff he has to offer. ;)

Seriously, Love isn't about money. It sounds as if he's been a student...and working...and he's young...with a GF with expensive expectations. You tell me how he is to save.

Have you taken him out for lobster lately?

Have you told him how important fancy dinners are to you? Be level with him or you are both going to be dissapointed. If he had savings, would you want him to spend it on dinners out at a critical financial time for him between jobs, or to ration it?

If you don't believe in taking a man out, then cook him a marvelous dinner. He could probably use a square meal from his true love.